5 Things your Single Friends Need from You

Our culture, and the Christian subculture in particular, is couple’s focused.

5 Things Your Single Friends Need from You

.  Here are a few things you can do to encourage your single friends and family members:

Notice Their Individuality

Every human being is unique. Show love to your friend with thoughtfulness. What encourages them?

  • A sweet text?
  • A card sent through the mail?
  • A work out buddy?
  • A hug?
  • An affirmative word?
  • A thoughtful gift?

My 21 year old daughter is here with me talking about this blog and she said, “Mom, it’s just common courtesy to be kind.” We have been talking about the difference in her stage of life where most of her friends are single — compared to 10 years from now when more of them would be married.

Invite your Single Friends to Join you for Holidays

. We began a tradition on Christmas Eve of inviting people to our home after the candle lighting service. It began on the fly when we noticed a single woman who seemed a bit lonely. A single divorced mom had custody of her sons on Christmas Eve and didn’t have something fun to do.  For 7 years we became their Christmas Eve Tradition. Along with numbers of other families. We played games. We sang carols. We enjoyed being an extended family.

Sit Together at Church (Be Family)

A beautiful picture of what the church is — a family. Yet, church can be a painful place for singles, divorced, and widowed people. My mom was only 59 when my dad died. He had a big personality. After he died, she had to begin all over again building friendships. She chose to come to live near our young family. We were associate pastors at a church where everyone was young. She loved the church, but it was hard to find people who shared the same life experience. She would sometimes feel the pain when couples would do things together and she was the one left out.

Celebrate Their Birthday’s

. Some of your friends may prefer to have the celebration really quiet. Others may want a whole band and costume party. Finding out their birthday and making a note to find out what they like. Sharing a meal and catching up can be a wonderful way to celebrate together as each year passes.

Do Life Together

Invite your friends over for games or movies. Don’t rub it in if you are happily engaged or married.

I have been amazed at how many young adults have talked about how much they learned from our marriage and family. I’m sure they learned from our mistakes as well as the unique way that love flows freely when you do life together.

Comments? I would love to hear how you feel about the 5 points that I wrote about… Do you have other things to add to the list? Comment Below…

Also, as I am concluding this post, I realize that you may appreciate this guide I wrote: 7 Steps to Writing Your Personal Mission Statement. 

Download Here



5 Ways to Grow Spiritually with Your Spouse

5 Ways to Grow Spiritually with Your Spouse

Being married is an adventure. Let’s face it; we each bring habits and expectations into a marriage. None of us is perfect. I know I fall short; all of us do.

5 Ways to grow spiritually with your spouse

Go On a Wild Adventure Together

Plan a treasure hunt. The surprise adventure of finding the clues will lead you closer to each other. I remember one evening when we had an event that was cancelled. I had already lined up overnight childcare. I stood in the grocery store and prayed that God would show me a way to be creative. While Wayne dropped the kids off, I ran the hot water for the jacuzzi. I had laid out an indoor treasure hunt that made my husband smile.

Join A Small Group that Makes You Think

When you grow closer to God, you will grow closer to each other. What attracted me to Wayne was his love for God. You can grow closer to your spouse as you build positive relationships with others.

Have Sex!

Yes! Great Sex is key to a Great Marriage. Sex is war (against the enemy). When you come together sexually, there is a freedom to be emotionally and spiritually more connected too! There have been times when I have been in a fight with my husband and I sense God prompting me to make love to him. In faith, when I concentrate on being one sexually it has removed the tension and brought oneness.

Have a Daily Spiritual “Check-in” Question

Our check-in question is simple. How are you? How can I pray for you.  This is something I texted my husband today: How are you, How can I pray for you Sue Detweiler

Mentor a Younger Couple

From the point that we were first married, we have been helping couples grow spiritually in their marriage.We love doing premarital together.

When you encourage others to grow strong in relationship, you reinforce what you are committed to. Every time you encourage a younger couple to be patient or kind in their marriage, you are reminding yourself to do the same!

Download 9 Ways to Celebrate the Day of Hearts!

Here’s some simple ideas to celebrate the day of hearts!

Download Ideas for Valentine's Day

10 Simple Ways to Say “I Love You”

10 Simple Ways to Say “I Love You”

It’s the simple ways to say “I love you”, that sometimes mean the most. Here’s a few to put into practice in your relationship:

10 Simple Ways to Say "I love you" by Sue Detweiler

Give Specific Encouragement

Have you ever noticed that speaking the right word, in the right moment, brings great joy! Take a deep breath in and think about what is most precious about the one you love. If you have a journal, jot it down. Add an descriptive adjective and you are ready!  Here’s one that I love about my husband.

I love how thoughtful you are. It amazes me that you take the time to keep our cars in working condition. I’m so thankful for your skill and expertise with cars.

Brag in Front of Loved Ones

Bragging in front of others about my husband began with a conviction in my heart. You see, I had trouble tearing down my husband in my mind so of course it came out. In chapter 1 of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage I tell the story of my transformation.Download Here

After this God-Encounter I began to speak positively about Wayne to everyone. It had a huge impact on our marriage! He felt respected and I began to meditate on all the good things about my husband (rather than his flaws).

Practice “Present Love.”

It so easy to be thinking about a problem with the kids or at work, that you aren’t really present.

Be present. Cheer at the super-bowl game. Laugh at his jokes (even if you heard them before). Laughing is good for you. Sometimes you need to just honestly notice what makes your spouse so amazing.

Serve in a Way that will Stand Out

What task is on the bottom of your list, that is on the top of their list?  One way to show that you love them is to complete the “honey-do” list. When I was a young mom, laundry was over-whelming me. I asked my husband to help. There he was in the laundry room, and I found myself getting turned on.

Drop a Memory into a Conversation

One way to stoke the fires of love is to remember doing something together. Our special time is around our anniversary. So just writing this blog, I’m starting to picture the beauty of the Colorado Mountains. Your conversation can be:

Honey, remember how much fun it was to drive up the Mountains in Colorado last year for our anniversary? What would be fun to do together this year?

Ask about the Day, and Pray specifically about it.

I love texting. What a simple way to keep in touch with the one you love moment by moment. 10 Simple ways to say I love you 2 the one you love

Choose to View Quirks as endearing, not annoying.

This is tough I know. There are probably things about your spouse that are driving your crazy. (If you have been married to them long enough). If this is bugging you right now, read the first chapter 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. Download Here

Say “Yes”

Wow! The word “YES” is so powerful. If you say as many “yes’s” as you can, than the “no’s” don’t overwhelm the conversation. In other words, be positive and not negative. 

Turn Complaints into Compliments

There’s a way to communicate concerns in a positive way. Think of it as a sandwich. The top piece of bread is a compliment, something that you noticed this week. The meat of the sandwhich is the concern that you share. The bottom piece of bread is another compliment. 

Express Appreciation Specifically and Aloud

It’s so wonderful to know that you are appreciated and valued. You don’t just say “I love you” on your wedding day. You need to say “I love you” every day in these 10 simple Ways.

I would love to hear from you!

9 Traits of a lIfe-giving marriage by Sue Detweiler


How to Turn Your Marriage Around in 2018

How to Turn Your Marriage Around

No matter where you are in your marriage relationship, with God’s grace you can turn your marriage around in 2018. I don’t know a couple who hasn’t experienced cycles of sin in their relationship. Remember, individually and corporately, the power of this verse:

But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we con- fess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 1 John 1:7-9 (NLT)

If there is any type of hidden sin in your lives, it will fight against your intimacy. You must turn the light on and cleanse your marriage from sinful patterns.

Early in our pastoral ministry, a young couple sought our counsel. The wife and husband had sought out a Christian counselor. When the husband expressed his desire to watch pornography, the “Christian” counselor encouraged them both to watch sex video together to stimulate physical intimacy. Opening the door to pornography as a couple brought a license to sin into their home. The wife, in particular, felt dirty and devalued by this pornography. They had invited the world into their bedroom, rather than the Holy One who is the Giver of great sex. When they turned away from pornography and were cleansed from their individual sin, their home life and marital oneness were established in purity.

Turn Your Marriage Around in 2018

You may not have brought pornography into your bedroom, but are there things that you have allowed to come into your life that fight against intimacy with your spouse? If so, turn the light on. If you confess your sin to God, not only will He forgive you, but He will cleanse you and put your marital intimacy on the right track.

If there is only one of you working on purity in your marriage, you will face barriers that only God can remove. If you are in this situation, ask God to show you your next steps.

Be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit to help you turn your marriage around. Are you supposed to spend more time together? Are you to surprise him or her with acts of service? Is there a gift you are supposed to buy to express your loyal love? Are you supposed to contact a Christian counselor to help you resolve your issues? (Remember to seek out good references and establish the integrity of his or her counsel.) Is there a marriage retreat that you should invest in? Is there a book that you are to read together? God is for you! Trust Him! 

How to Build a Marriage That Lasts

How to Turn your marriage around in 2017

Building a marriage that lasts requires love, intimacy, and integrity of heart every day! Celebrate the Day of Hearts with 9 Valentine’s Day Ideas!

Download 9 Ideas Here


15 Things to Give Up in the New Year

15 Things to Give up in 2018

As we move into 2018, here are 15 Things to Give Up in the New Year.  If you give up these 15 things you will experience more joy and fulfillment than every before.  Take time to prayerfully reflect on letting these 15 things go forever. Here’s a guide to help you take a spiritual retreat for the New Year.  Click Here to Download

15 Things to Give Up in 2018

15 Things to Give up in the New Year!

1. Doubting yourself

To doubt is to plummet into a sea of uncertainty where you lack conviction. If you allow this uncertainty to grow it will cause you to hold back, to hesitate and procrastinate.  Doubting will paralyze you and keep you from obtaining the fullness of your destiny. Your indecision will cause you to lack the confidence that you need to move forward into the New Year in faith.

God’s word says:

“For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” James 1:7-8

2. Negative Thinking
A Pessimistic view will skew reality and put you in a bad mood. If you change your thinking you will change your world view. If you have a gloomy attitude heading into 2018, you will not be able to accomplish much. Negativity steals the joy out of life. As you go into the new year think on these things:

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 NLT.

When you think on the positive of your identity in Christ your future will open up to you.

3. Fear of Failure

The Fear of Failure can sabotage your success. Fear is an unpleasant emotion that causes worry and anxiety. You begin to feel uneasy about your future. Let go of the fear of failure and ask for help. Embrace the fact that everyone makes mistakes. Be at peace with yourself and stop trying so hard. Do not let the fear of failure control whether you say “yes” or “no.” Joyce Meyer says:

“Just because you feel fear doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Do it afraid”

4. Destructive Relationships

As you go into the New Year do not allow destructive relationships to control you. When you experience daily injury from another person through violent behavior you need to be safe from harm. Hostile relationships do not help you walk in peace. It’s important not to let go of our covenant relationships easily. Conflict can be an opportunity for greater intimacy. However, when a relationship has become detrimental to your health and well-being it is important to put up healthy boundaries.

5. Gossiping

Repeating rumors starts wars. Idol gossip assassinates someones reputation. Unfounded slander divides relationships. Gossip is destructive to you and your relationships. Proverbs 16:28  says:

“A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.”

6. Criticizing yourself and others

Gossip quickly leads to criticizing others in your mind and attitude. When you are constantly finding fault with another person you are no longer able to see or perceive clearly.

“Don’t bad-mouth each other, friends. It’s God’s Word, his Message, his Royal Rule, that takes a beating in that kind of talk. You’re supposed to be honoring the Message, not writing graffiti all over it. God is in charge of deciding human destiny. Who do you think you are to meddle in the destiny of others?” James 4:11 MSG

When you put a stop to your critical attitude towards others, remember not to be critical or disapproving of yourself. Give yourself a break. Be gracious in how you think about yourself.

7. Anger

Anger can be a smoldering wick of quiet condemnation or it can be a violent outburst of wrath. Either way, when you have uncontrolled anger in your life it is like opening the door to a thief and inviting him to come in and take over.

“And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” Ephesians 4:26-27 NLT.

8. Comfort Eating

In 2018 its time to let go of comfort eating. The next time you are tired, angry or stressed notice what you do. Do you find yourself looking in the pantry trying to find something to eat? Do you stop by a convenience store to buy your favorite snack? Do you think in your mind, “I deserve this because of my hard day?”  It’s time to let go of habits that are self-destructive.

9. Laziness

If you are unwilling to work or use energy, you may be struggling with laziness. You may not know it because you have been lying on the couch watching re-runs too unmotivated to get up and do something productive. Remember those things that fire up your passion. Begin to focus your mind and heart on your God-given destiny and shake off any laziness.

10. Negative Self-Talk

When I was pregnant with my first daughter I was unprepared for how hard pregnancy would be. I found myself waddling around frustrated. Out of my mouth came these words, “I hate life.”What a terrible thing to say when you are pregnant and carrying life.

The enemy of our souls constantly belittles. If you are not careful you will mimic the enemy’s negative words. What are those words or phrases that you find yourself saying over and over in your mind that then it spills out your mouth?

  • I ALWAYS blow it
  • I can’t do anything right.
  • No one really likes me anyway.

Make positive confessions about your future:

  • I am always surrounded by God’s Grace!
  • I can do it! I am making progress.
  • I am loved and appreciated.

11. Procrastination

If you constantly delay or postpone what you know you should do, you are just creating strife in your life. Procrastination robs your potential. Don’t be denied what God is calling you to do.  Take advantage of the positive momentum of the New Year to focus on what is really important to you. As you focus on your priorities it will help you take one step forward at a time. You can do it!

12 Fear of Success

Your feelings of anxiety can get mixed up with your true desire to succeed in life. You may fear that you may be unable to cope with the responsibilities of success. You may be anxious that others will reject you. Or you may dread becoming someone else. The fear of success is debilitating. You were made for success.

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10 NLT.

You have been created for a purpose. Success in God’s eyes is doing the good things that He prepared for you. His grace is sufficient for all that He has called you to do.

13. Anything Excessive

God has made all things for us to enjoy. However, there are things to give up in order to gain.

Anytime that we over-indulge in  good things it is destructive. In 2018 it is time to give up the excessive lifestyle of over-shopping, over-eating, over-indulging and to walk in self-control. Self control is a godly virtue that more of us need to embrace. His divine enablement helps us to quit addictive behaviors.

14. People Pleasing

You will sink your own ship if you trying to get everyone on board. In order for you to be the original creation of God, you have to accept that you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. You won’t be able to please everyone all of the time.  So in 2018 become a God-pleaser rather than a man-pleaser.

15. Fear of Future
Here we are at the intersection of time. If you blink, your present becomes your future. When you fear your future you welcome death. None of us are able to live in the past or stay in the present. Our lives are always moving forward with the greater cosmic picture of the universe.

The best way to let go of your fear of the future is to trust the ONE who holds your future. Trust in God who will never disappoint. That doesn’t mean that your life won’t at times be disappointing. It means rather that God is bigger the menial minutia of each day. His perspective ALWAYS bring life, hope and peace.

These are 15 Things to Give up in 2018

God’s perspective welcomes and even yearns for the future. The world we live in is wasting away, but the future shines brightly in eternity. Get your copy of 21 Days to Spiritual Breakthrough now! Click Here to Download

If you want help to give things up in 2018, order your copy of Women Who Move Mountains Today! Click here if you are interested in leading a Women Who Move Mountains Group.

Download the Introduction and Chapter 1

Download the Introduction and Chapter 1 Today!

5 Steps to Entering your “Promised Land”

Entering Your Promised Land

In these next few weeks of 2017, we have a window of opportunity to enter into our promised land. As you and I press in to believe God and prepare our hearts, there will be more breakthrough in end of 2017 than in the preceding 11 months. He is the God of breakthrough!

Promised Land

This is a year to overcome every obstacle. To believe God that you are able to enter His promised land. To look forward to the future.

God has designed you in such a way that you have passion in areas of your purpose.  Why is it that so many fall short of entering into God’s promised land? Perhaps a better question for you to ask today is – why don’t I enter into my promises?

Let’s look at 5 Steps to receiving your inheritance in Christ.

Step 1: Have faith in God’s promise. 

Poised for Promise, the Israelites missed their opportunity to enter into God’s promised land because they didn’t have faith. For 40 years they marched around in the wilderness before they died. They never entered into the promise that God had for them. It wasn’t that they were just dreaming about promises that didn’t really exist. They could have entered into their promise in 11 days which was the amount of time it took to walk there from Egypt. Why did they miss out on the land of “milk and honey.”

Hebrews 4:2 talks about the Israelites when it  says, “…but the message they heard did not benefit them, because it was not mixed with faith …” 

You must believe what God has promised and not waver in unbelief. Unbelief was deadly for the Israelites. Literally, unbelief and disobedience led to them dropping dead in the wilderness. (See Hebrews 3:18.)

Step 2: Have certainty in God’s power

In order to receive God’s promise in your life, you must be certain in His power.  God’s promises for us, corporately and individually, have been prepared and waiting for all who believe and are certain they will receive, because the same God who promised is powerful enough to fulfill His promise. He just wants you and I to enter into His great adventure. He is the one who will miraculously part your Red Sea and cause you to walk in on dry ground.

Step 3: Have trust in God’s wisdom.

You will receive His promise only when you begin to trust His wisdom that He knows what is best for you. You must come into agreement with His plan and His purpose for your life and trust in His timing. God will not only give you a promise, He will also give you the wise strategy of how to accomplish it in His strength.

Step 4: Have confidence in God’s goodness.

God is good! You must lean into God with absolute trust and confidence that what He has for you in life is good. If God is just hanging a promise out like the proverbial carrot, leading you on a wild goose chase, then that would be torture. You will enjoy what God has for you. The dream that God has for your life is connected with His Global dream of redeeming humanity.

Step 5: Have boldness to enter God’s provision.

To enter into the promised land requires risk. You have to leave what is familiar to you in order to enter the new place God has for you. Until you take the leap of faith, you won’t see the fullness of God’s promise. So be bold and strong and leap into God’s redemptive plan for your life!

Making it Practical

Take action this week to focus on what’s really important in your life.  Get alone with God with a Bible and journal in your hands and seek Him with your whole heart. Don’t be afraid to ask Him the BIG questions. He is a BIG God with BIG answers!

I would love to help make this your best year ever. Download 21 Days to Spiritual Breakthrough! Spending time with God helps you focus your faith on what God is calling you to. Walking closer with God on a daily basis will help you enter into your promised land.

Have faith in God’s promise. Have certainty of God’s power. Have trust in God’s wisdom. Have confidence in God’s goodness. Have boldness to enter God’s provision.

You are Invited to Lead Women Who Move Mountains Group

Lead Women Who Move Mountains Group

You are invited to lead Women Who Move Mountains Group. You can make a difference in the lives of other women. You can help them move the mountains of fear, rejection, brokenness, shame, anxiety, sadness, perfectionism, timidity, disappointment, pain and loss. These are big mountains to move!

Lead Women Who Move Mountains Group

Jesus used the image of the mountain to call us to increased faith. He said,

“Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” Mark 11:22–24 NIV

To pray with this mountain-moving faith challenges each one of us to overcome the obstacles in our lives and make them opportunities of purposeful mission. It requires each of us to move out of our comfort zone, have faith in God, and speak to every mountain that separates us from God and His assignment in our lives.

Often the very barrier that has been used by the Enemy to stop our progress becomes the stepping-stone to grow in greater intimacy with Him. We grow stronger as we push against the resistance. Our spiritual muscles are exercised as we triumph over the plans of the Enemy.

Lead a Women Who Move Mountains Group

Consider meeting with a group of women and discussing this book. The power of prayer is multiplied when two or three gather together in agreement. Watch this Leadership Video that I have prepared to encourage you.

Our confidence is in God. He is the One who has led you to pick up this book as a tool in His hands to transform you. It’s the great exchange! He replaces your worst with His best. Remember, in order to move mountains in your own life, you need to have faith in God and speak to that mountain and watch it move.

Jesus said,

“I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you.”

Mathew 18:19 NLT

You can facilitate a life-changing adventure simply by sharing Jesus. When you agree in prayer, He will be there. Together you will move mountains.  I have prepared free resources and video resources to help you lead your group.


It’s a joy to see how God is multiplying this message. Our heart is to serve you!