How to Turn Your Marriage Around in 2017

How to Turn Your Marriage Around

No matter where you are in your marriage relationship, with God’s grace you can turn your marriage around in 2017. I don’t know a couple who hasn’t experienced cycles of sin in their relationship. Remember, individually and corporately, the power of this verse:

But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we con- fess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 1 John 1:7-9 (NLT)

If there is any type of hidden sin in your lives, it will fight against your intimacy. You must turn the light on and cleanse your marriage from sinful patterns.

Early in our pastoral ministry, a young couple sought our counsel. The wife and husband had sought out a Christian counselor. When the husband expressed his desire to watch pornography, the “Christian” counselor encouraged them both to watch sex video together to stimulate physical intimacy. Opening the door to pornography as a couple brought a license to sin into their home. The wife, in particular, felt dirty and devalued by this pornography. They had invited the world into their bedroom, rather than the Holy One who is the Giver of great sex. When they turned away from pornography and were cleansed from their individual sin, their home life and marital oneness were established in purity.

Turn Your Marriage Around in 2017

You may not have brought pornography into your bedroom, but are there things that you have allowed to come into your life that fight against intimacy with your spouse? If so, turn the light on. If you confess your sin to God, not only will He forgive you, but He will cleanse you and put your marital intimacy on the right track.

If there is only one of you working on purity in your marriage, you will face barriers that only God can remove. If you are in this situation, ask God to show you your next steps.

Be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit to help you turn your marriage around. Are you supposed to spend more time together? Are you to surprise him or her with acts of service? Is there a gift you are supposed to buy to express your loyal love? Are you supposed to contact a Christian counselor to help you resolve your issues? (Remember to seek out good references and establish the integrity of his or her counsel.) Is there a marriage retreat that you should invest in? Is there a book that you are to read together? God is for you! Trust Him! 

How to Build a Marriage That Lasts

How to Turn your marriage around in 2017

Building a marriage that lasts requires love, intimacy, and integrity of heart every day! Celebrate the Day of Hearts with 9 Valentine’s Day Ideas!

Download 9 Ideas Here

Get your copy of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage here!

How to turn your marriage around in 2017

Get this book to help turn your marriage around in 2017

How to Stop the Crazy Cycle in Your Marriage

How to stop the crazy cycle

How to Stop the Crazy Cycle

Let’s face it, relationships are not easy. 80% of the time your marriage may feel like it is smooth sailing, but 20% of the time you may hit a storm. If year after year in a marriage, you hit the same storm it can be disheartening. You want to learn how to stop the crazy cycle in time for Christmas!

The Need for Love and Respect

. In times of conflict, men and women may speak a different language. Dr. Emerson Eggerich talks about the “Pink and Blue Difference” in this video:

Stop the Crazy Cycle in time for Christmas!

If you have been feeling that crazy stress that comes from the crazy cycle, there is good news – you can get off of the cycle in time for the Holidays! In fact, you can choose today to offer love and respect to your spouse not based on whether or not they deserve it, but based on the goodness of what Jesus has done for you.

The person who get’s off the merry-go-round of blame first is the spouse with the most maturity. You can see that you aren’t getting anywhere on the crazy cycle. So take some simple advice, and show your husband some respect and your wife some love. I know, it seems overly-simplified… but try it. For some couples that we have walked through in this process, this foundation of love and respect was a game-changer for their marriage.

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage

We are receiving some amazing testimonies of how God has used 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage to help build a relationship that lasts. Here are a few comments from readers.

“I wish I would have read this during our first year of marriage, when everything was new and a little confusing. I had many “okay I’m normal!” moments while reading and thinking in retrospect. I especially liked how Sue really took the time to encourage the reader to evaluate his/her relationship with Christ. We get so caught up in a title rather than a lifestyle. I think this has been an excellent reading endeavor, and I will recommend it to all my married and soon to be married friends.” Maddie

“I appreciated the vulnerability shown throughout the pages, along with Sue’s willingness to share personal stories from her own marriage- the good and the bad. We can learn from each other, and this book had the tone of a wise, older sister, sharing her wisdom out of love, with a desire to see marriages succeed.” Dawn Klinge

Truly a delightful, uplifting read with a spirit-driven plan to sustain both partners in a life-long marriage!” Angela

“This book is both encouraging and real, and would make a great gift too! Practical and biblical advice whether married, or preparing for marriage.” Dorris Swift

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage

Get your copy today!

Give a Gift in Time for the Holidays

You can give a gift to someone you love in time for the holidays (even if that someone is you!) Click here to get your autographed copy of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage

Just in time for Valentine’s Day

We will have an online community book-study! This is going to be so exciting! Click Here for More Info

Valentine’s Day – Putting it all on the line for love

The History of Valentine’s Day

The Origin of Valentine’s Day… Putting it all on the line for love, Saint Valentine was martyred on February 14 269 AD. How does a Roman priest end of being named for a holiday celebrating love? Christian Broadcasting Network recently interviewed Father O’Gara to find out the facts about Saint Valentine.

Valentine's Day

“He was a Roman Priest at a time when there was an emperor called Claudias who persecuted the church at that particular time,” Father O’Gara explains. ” He also had an edict that prohibited the marriage of young people. This was based on the hypothesis that unmarried soldiers fought better than married soldiers because married soldiers might be afraid of what might happen to them or their wives or families if they died.”

“I think we must bear in mind that it was a very permissive society in which Valentine lived,” says Father O’Gara. “Polygamy would have been much more popular than just one woman and one man living together. And yet some of them seemed to be attracted to Christian faith. But obviously the church thought that marriage was very sacred between one man and one woman for their life and that it was to be encouraged. And so it immediately presented the problem to the Christian church of what to do about this.”

“The idea of encouraging them to marry within the Christian church was what Valentine was about. And he secretly married them because of the edict.” Valentine was caught, tortured and martyred in 269 AD

“What Valentine means to me as a priest,” explains Father O’Gara, “is that there comes a time where you have to lay your life upon the line for what you believe. And with the power of the Holy Spirit we can do that — even to the point of death.”

The Meaning of Valentine’s Day

I find Father O’Gara’s idea of laying our lives on the line for what we believe to be compelling. The agape love of God is so much deeper than the paper hearts, balloons and tissue paper of a one day holiday. God’s love transcends whether you are single or married, divorced or widowed, young or old. God’s love is universal and crosses lines to unite people.

So Happy Valentine’s Day to You no matter what stage of life you are in… You have the ability and calling to lay it all on the line for what you believe.

Ok, so after learning about Saint Valentine laying down his life for what he believed in, it seems so superficial to let you know that 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage is still on sale today and tomorrow. However, I believe this message of building a marriage that lasts is powerful and I want you to give it to as many people as you feel led to on Valentine’s Day. $.99 for the ebook and $9.99 for the paperback. Buy Now

Valentine's Day

Final Guide – 9 Traits Marriage Study (Expectancy)

Expectancy—Marriages typically begin with a healthy measure of hope and big expectations. Sin, in a variety of forms, can dash those hopes. Committing to a godly standard for your life and relationship will set you on a path to a strong, life-giving marriage.

Maintaining expectancy in marriage is an important pursuit of a healthy marriage. But just like acceptance, friendship, safety, honesty, intimacy, passion, endurance, and restoration, if you aren’t intentional about maintaining this life-giving trait, expectancy can dwindle, like water down a drain.

Let’s discuss Chapter 9 of #MarriageRocks

Read Chapter 9 of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. Reflect and journal the following questions. If you signed up, you will receive a free download today in email that you can use.

  1. Have you experienced any obstacles to expectancy in your marriage? (I give some examples on pages 94-95)

 

  1. What are some ways you find time to spend with your first love, Jesus, daily?

 

  1. How can you renew your mind daily to cleanse yourself from the toxins of this world? (Romans 12:2)

As your last assignment, write your dear spouse a love letter. Use adjectives that describe why you first fell in love with them. 

It’s been great focusing on marriage. I hope you have grown from this study. I know that I have! Love to hear your comments.

 $.99 for the ebook and $9.99 for the paperback. Buy Now

Valentine's Day


The Best Valentine’s Day Gift!

The Best Valentine’s Day Gift

The best Valentine’s Day gift you can give is a relationship that lasts.  For Valentine’s Day Weekend ONLY you can give 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage: How to Build a Marriage that Lasts… the ebook is only $.99 this weekend and the book is $9.99. Buy Here!

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage

As a couple, you have the opportunity to allow the Spirit of God to make your marriage a masterpiece. We pray that your marriage will be a sign that points to the goodness of God in how He has worked miracles in your marriage.

God desires for marriage to draw us into a closer relationship with Him—unity with Him enables us to have a life-giving marriage.  It is His grace that transforms you into a person capable of the love and respect necessary for a strong, healthy marriage.

Your spouse really can be your best friend—someone to whom you are emotionally bonded. As friends, you find joy in being together. You choose to share the intimate details of your life with each other, to listen and comfort in the face of pain and sorrows. Because a friend loves at all times, you share the joy of daily life and learn to let go of irritations and petty offenses. You choose to enjoy your differences and build a unity of being one. You protect the powerful bond of your marriage covenant.

9 Ways to Build your marriage

Click Picture to gain instant access

If you need fresh ideas of how to spend your valentine’s day – Click Picture for 9 Ways to celebrate the day of hearts. 

For Valentine’s Day Weekend ONLY you can get my marriage ebook for only $.99 and my book for $9.99. Buy Here!

God has designed your marriage to be an encouragement to other couples. Your marriage can grow up like a strong tree planted in the soil of God’s Word. Each year of your marriage is like a ring on a tree. Some years, you may experience
drought. Those are the years that your roots will
reach even deeper into the soil to be fed by the underground stream of God’s refreshment. And through every storm you weather together, your marriage grows because your life and strength comes from Him.

Celebrate the Day of Hearts!

The wonderful thing about Valentine’s Day is that it reminds us to take time to invest in our marriage. If you need a few ideas for this Valentine’s Day Download 9 Ideas Here

How to Build a Marriage that Lasts

For every special day that we celebrate together, it is he consistency of building a marriage that lasts that brings joy. I hope you will take an opportunity to invest in your marriage by downloading 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. For Valentine’s Day Weekend ONLY you can get my marriage ebook for only $.99 and my book for $9.99. Buy Here!

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Listen To Interview – The Shaun Tabatt Show

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I did quite a few interviews. Enjoy this interview with Shaun Tabatt.

For Valentine’s Day Weekend ONLY you can get my marriage ebook for only $.99 and my book for $9.99. Buy Here!

The Battle of the Sexes

The Battle of the Sexes in marriage

The Battle of the Sexes

The Battle of the sexes brings discord in our homes. God has made us to live in harmony rather than strife. The battle of the sexes is a disagreement or fight for power between a man and a woman. The enemy stages these attacks against us by whispering thoughts in our mind. These accusations if unchecked can cause our emotions to spiral downward until we are in are in a true battle. You may recognize his telltale warfare tactics. They often sound something like this:

“She ALWAYS does this…”

“He NEVER takes time to understand my needs…”

“I TOLD HIM what I needed, but he still did this…”

“She is SELFISH…”

“I’m NOT going to put up with this anymore…”

“She is never going to CHANGE…”

“If he is going to do this, then I am going to…”

Have you been in a battle of the sexes like this? If you are married, the answer may be– YES! The enemy hates marriages.

If you are in the middle of a battle, ask yourself this…

“Where did I allow the enemy to get a foothold in my mind and in my emotions?” I know that when I open the door by allowing the enemy access to my heart by dwelling on accusations I make my home vulnerable. As Christians we have the responsibility to close every door and window against satan’s attacks. We can guard our hearts and seek refuge in Jesus.

As I sought the Lord for insight on how I’d allowed the enemy access to my heart recently, He showed me a petty thing that my husband had done. He had sinned against me in a small way, but the dart had nonetheless wounded my heart. Jesus also showed me a deeper issue of recurring pain in my marriage. He led me to forgive my husband—completely. Then, like a skilled surgeon, He removed the enemy’s arrow out of my wounded heart. He flushed out the poison of hopelessness and renewed my heart with hope. He cut away the disappointment and filled the empty space with courage.

Week 5 – 9 Traits Marriage Study (Restoration)

Restoration—Understand this: Satan wants your divinely ordained marriage to fail. His battle tactics can cause injuries that, if left unattended, can certainly end in death. Restoration is a process of healing and building reinforcements to prevent future attacks. Jesus calls us to restoration in our relationships:

Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. 2 Corinthians 13:11

Restoration repairs and rebuilds trust when it is compromised. Redemption is the divine exchange of our sin with God’s righteousness. Jesus is the only One who can pay off the debt that each spouse owes to the other.

Battle of the Sexes

Let’s discuss Chapter 8 of #MarriageRocks

Read Chapter 8 of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. Reflect and journal the following questions. If you signed up, you will receive a free download today in email that you can use.

  1. Has your mind been filled with thoughts from the enemy’s spiritual warfare tactics like described in chapter 8?

 

  1. What situations has your marriage endured that the enemy intended for a trap?

 

  1. “God is for our marriage to be healthy and life-giving.”
 What truths in God’s Word can you pray this week for a life-giving marriage?

We will see you back here Wednesday to discuss chapter 9.

Here’s a beautiful printable that reminds us that we take our lead from Christ. Jesus restores peace in our homes. Click the picture to download your copy.


How to Build a Marriage That Lasts

How to Build a Marriage that Lasts

Everyone wants to build a marriage that lasts, but constant pressure can squeeze out the joy in a marriage. The stress of life can push our emotions and our relationships to the breaking point. Well-placed faith fuels our endurance. But please know, this race isn’t about survival; it’s about experiencing God’s best for your marriage.

Build a marriage that lasts

Stress is the strain and pressure from life. It creates physical and mental tension in our bodies. We can be overcome with worry and anxiety. As humans, we can only bear an overload of stress of life for so long before something gives way. Like a rubber band stretched beyond its capabilities, your marriage can snap or even break. As Christians, we don’t mean to be in denial, but, sometimes, we use our faith-filled perspective to overlook the realities

The enemy attacks during times of stress, when life seems overwhelming. But Jesus promises abundant life. Rather than burying stress or pretending it doesn’t exist, a better tactic is acknowledging it and looking to God as our source of relief and endurance.

The apostle Paul went through a great deal of stress in his life. He was stoned and left for dead. He was taken prisoner unjustly. He was shipwrecked. He knew what it meant to suffer, yet, while in prison, he wrote these words:

…that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death…. Philippians 3:10 (NKJV)

One of the ways we get to know God is through suffering. I hate to say it, but marriage can be a crucible in which we must die to our flesh over and over again.

The purifying process in your own marriage carries the precious metal of the mystery of Christ. Marriage after all, represents our relationship with Christ. All Christians, male and female, are the bride of Christ.

The enemy wants this purifying process to discourage you. He wants to destroy you and your marriage. We know from Scripture:

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10:10 (NKJV)

This verse carries a warning and a promise. The warning is: Watch out! You have a very real enemy. He seeks to steal. He tries to kill. He strives to destroy. The enemy attacks during times of stress, when life seems overwhelming. But Jesus promises abundant life. Just like Jesus went through crucifixion and came out the winner, so can you!

Yes, on this earth we go through tough things, but it is in fellowshipping with Jesus during these times of suffering that we become more like Him. After you go through experiences where your flesh is crucified, you begin to experience the power of His resurrection in your daily life.

I want to be careful at this point not to falsely predict that, if you are in a struggling marriage, you will not divorce. I can’t control your choices. Nor can you control the choices of your spouse. I know too many people who did not want or choose a divorce, but ended up divorced nonetheless. But know this: The promise Jesus has for you is bigger than your marriage. It is a promise to you personally. No matter what happens, you can find the peace and strength to endure when you trust in Christ.

That said, this promise of abundant life does apply to our marriages as Jesus is given liberty and leadership in our lives. Jesus has defeated the enemy on the cross. The enemy may attack you, but he won’t be able to win if you and your spouse commit to rely on Christ to direct your hearts, minds, and actions. 

Build a Marriage that Lasts

Praying scriptures can help build a marriage that lasts. Download your printable here. 

Click Here for Download

Week 4 – 9 Traits Marriage Study (Endurance)

If you have been married for any length of time, you likely have experienced stress in your marriage. Some stress factors may include:

  • The death of someone you loved.
  • A difficult or demanding job.
  • Sexual dysfunction.
  • Health challenges.
  • Financial challenges.
  • Special needs of your children.
  • Buying or selling a house.
  • The list goes on and on…

Without the life-giving trait of endurance, the stress of life will ruin your once healthy marriage.

Sometimes we bury stress or pretend it doesn’t exist. A better tactic is acknowledging it and looking to God as our source of relief and endurance.

Trait #7 - 9 Traits of a Life Giving Marriage

Let’s discuss Chapter 7 of #MarriageRocks

Read Chapter 7 of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. Reflect and journal the following questions. If you signed up, you will receive a free download today in email that you can use.

  1. Is there any hidden neglect blocking the healthy life-giving flow of your marriage?

 

  1. Jesus promises abundant life. (John 10:10). What are some ways you can encourage your spouse with the hope that you can get through any circumstance?

 

  1. God is good. His goodness never changes. Look up some verses in God’s Word that confirms we can rely on Him for support, comfort, and strength.

 

We will see you back here next week to wrap up our study discussing chapters 8 and 9.

Invite Your Friends:

There’s still time to also invite your friends to join you for this Study:

Join the FREE online #MarriageRocks study: http://suedetweiler.com/bookstudy

Sign up here.

3 Strands of a Passionate Marriage

3 Strands of a Passionate Marriage

Do you desire a more passionate marriage?

Passionate Marriage

True passion comes from sharing oneself with another person—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. These 3 strands of a passionate marriage keep the home fires burning bright. We court, fall in love, share our vows to love, honor, and cherish, and expect to live happily ever after. So when the passion Hollywood tells us should come so naturally isn’t as easy as we thought it would be, disappointment can inhibit our sexual relationship with our spouse.

3 Strands of a Passionate Marriage

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Ecclesiastes 4:12 NIV

The enemy hates your marriage. He will try to attack you emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  But if you keep all three areas strong and healthy, you will overcome the enemy every time.

Learning the language of love for your spouse will require you to make yourself vulnerable and available emotionally, physically, and spiritually. These three areas are not linear with one area coming first, then second, then third. It is more like an unending circle of spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy.

At times, I have been so angry at my husband that I didn’t feel emotionally or spiritually connected. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, I would hear the Holy Spirit say, “Make love to your husband.” At that moment, I didn’t even want to be in the same room as him. I was mad. But when I listened to the Spirit, I found His grace. If I freely gave my heart and body to my husband, very often the spiritual and emotional aspects of our relationship fell into place.

At other times, it is the spiritual or the emotional connection that needs to come first with no pressure for sexual intercourse. Especially in a relationship in which the marriage vows have been broken, intimacy needs to be reestablished emotionally and spiritually first.

We can unlock the secrets of intimacy with our spouse by embracing God as the Holy One who created sexual oneness. Being one emotionally, spiritual, and physically creates a bond that is not easily broken. The beauty and joy of great sex as God intended strengthens this circle of intimacy. You see, God’s main goal in creating sex is not for procreation or even recreation, though both are enjoyed as important parts of marriage. God’s primary purpose for sex is unification—losing yourself in the ecstasy of intimately knowing and being known by your mate. 

Better sex in Christian Marriage

Register today!

February 20 2016

Wayne & Sue Detweiler (Speakers and Hosts) With over 25 years of marriage and ministry experience, Sue & Wayne will motivate you to build a strong and intimate marriage. You will be strengthened by their biblical encouragement and then led through Marriage Exercises to help you revitalize your marriage. Your investment will help your marriage last a life time.

Included in registration cost is the book “9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage” and materials for each couple.

9:00 am Registration & Give Aways on Saturday

9:30 am – 5:30 pm Saturday (Sessions & Exercises)

Special Musical Guest/Worship Leader – Lance List 

Register Today!

Week 4 – 9 Traits Marriage Study (Passion)

A passionate marriage nurtures oneness —True oneness comes from sharing oneself with another person—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It is possible to rekindle physical passion even if the fireworks in your relationship seem to have completely fizzled out.

In Chapter 6, I share how Wayne and I came to understand that all three strands of marriage, spiritual, emotional, and sexual, need to be strongly entwined. We know firsthand that God can heal and renew relationships in exciting and beautiful ways!

Do you ever find yourself drifting in your marriage? Just realizing that you are drifting can cause you to wake up and fight for all that God has for you and your spouse. God is jealous for you! He wants you to have a passionate marriage.

Trait #6 - 9 Traits of a Life Giving Marriage

Let’s discuss Chapter 6 of #MarriageRocks

Read Chapter 6 of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. Reflect and journal the following questions. If you signed up, you will receive a free download today in email that you can use.

  1. Have you ever fallen into a similar hurtful pattern of rejection and stonewalling (as I discuss in Chapter 6)?

 

  1. Do you find yourself drifting? What are some ways you can anchor yourself to God’s will in your marriage?

 

  1. The turnaround for David began with his relationship with God (Psalm 51:7-12). Choose one verse from this passage each day to pray over your marriage this week.

 

I will see you back here Wednesday to discuss Chapter 7.

Invite Your Friends:

There’s still time to also invite your friends to join you for this Study:

Join the FREE online #MarriageRocks study: http://suedetweiler.com/bookstudy

Sign up here.