5 Ways to Grow Spiritually with Your Spouse

5 Ways to Grow Spiritually with Your Spouse

Being married is an adventure. Let’s face it; we each bring habits and expectations into a marriage. None of us is perfect. I know I fall short; all of us do.

5 Ways to grow spiritually with your spouse

Go On a Wild Adventure Together

Plan a treasure hunt. The surprise adventure of finding the clues will lead you closer to each other. I remember one evening when we had an event that was cancelled. I had already lined up overnight childcare. I stood in the grocery store and prayed that God would show me a way to be creative. While Wayne dropped the kids off, I ran the hot water for the jacuzzi. I had laid out an indoor treasure hunt that made my husband smile.

Join A Small Group that Makes You Think

When you grow closer to God, you will grow closer to each other. What attracted me to Wayne was his love for God. You can grow closer to your spouse as you build positive relationships with others.

Have Sex!

Yes! Great Sex is key to a Great Marriage. Sex is war (against the enemy). When you come together sexually, there is a freedom to be emotionally and spiritually more connected too! There have been times when I have been in a fight with my husband and I sense God prompting me to make love to him. In faith, when I concentrate on being one sexually it has removed the tension and brought oneness.

Have a Daily Spiritual “Check-in” Question

Our check-in question is simple. How are you? How can I pray for you.  This is something I texted my husband today: How are you, How can I pray for you Sue Detweiler

Mentor a Younger Couple

From the point that we were first married, we have been helping couples grow spiritually in their marriage.We love doing premarital together.

When you encourage others to grow strong in relationship, you reinforce what you are committed to. Every time you encourage a younger couple to be patient or kind in their marriage, you are reminding yourself to do the same!

Download 9 Ways to Celebrate the Day of Hearts!

Here’s some simple ideas to celebrate the day of hearts!

Download Ideas for Valentine's Day

10 Simple Ways to Say “I Love You”

10 Simple Ways to Say “I Love You”

It’s the simple ways to say “I love you”, that sometimes mean the most. Here’s a few to put into practice in your relationship:

10 Simple Ways to Say "I love you" by Sue Detweiler

Give Specific Encouragement

Have you ever noticed that speaking the right word, in the right moment, brings great joy! Take a deep breath in and think about what is most precious about the one you love. If you have a journal, jot it down. Add an descriptive adjective and you are ready!  Here’s one that I love about my husband.

I love how thoughtful you are. It amazes me that you take the time to keep our cars in working condition. I’m so thankful for your skill and expertise with cars.

Brag in Front of Loved Ones

Bragging in front of others about my husband began with a conviction in my heart. You see, I had trouble tearing down my husband in my mind so of course it came out. In chapter 1 of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage I tell the story of my transformation.Download Here

After this God-Encounter I began to speak positively about Wayne to everyone. It had a huge impact on our marriage! He felt respected and I began to meditate on all the good things about my husband (rather than his flaws).

Practice “Present Love.”

It so easy to be thinking about a problem with the kids or at work, that you aren’t really present.

Be present. Cheer at the super-bowl game. Laugh at his jokes (even if you heard them before). Laughing is good for you. Sometimes you need to just honestly notice what makes your spouse so amazing.

Serve in a Way that will Stand Out

What task is on the bottom of your list, that is on the top of their list?  One way to show that you love them is to complete the “honey-do” list. When I was a young mom, laundry was over-whelming me. I asked my husband to help. There he was in the laundry room, and I found myself getting turned on.

Drop a Memory into a Conversation

One way to stoke the fires of love is to remember doing something together. Our special time is around our anniversary. So just writing this blog, I’m starting to picture the beauty of the Colorado Mountains. Your conversation can be:

Honey, remember how much fun it was to drive up the Mountains in Colorado last year for our anniversary? What would be fun to do together this year?

Ask about the Day, and Pray specifically about it.

I love texting. What a simple way to keep in touch with the one you love moment by moment. 10 Simple ways to say I love you 2 the one you love

Choose to View Quirks as endearing, not annoying.

This is tough I know. There are probably things about your spouse that are driving your crazy. (If you have been married to them long enough). If this is bugging you right now, read the first chapter 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. Download Here

Say “Yes”

Wow! The word “YES” is so powerful. If you say as many “yes’s” as you can, than the “no’s” don’t overwhelm the conversation. In other words, be positive and not negative. 

Turn Complaints into Compliments

There’s a way to communicate concerns in a positive way. Think of it as a sandwich. The top piece of bread is a compliment, something that you noticed this week. The meat of the sandwhich is the concern that you share. The bottom piece of bread is another compliment. 

Express Appreciation Specifically and Aloud

It’s so wonderful to know that you are appreciated and valued. You don’t just say “I love you” on your wedding day. You need to say “I love you” every day in these 10 simple Ways.

I would love to hear from you!

9 Traits of a lIfe-giving marriage by Sue Detweiler

 

How to Turn Your Marriage Around in 2018

How to Turn Your Marriage Around

No matter where you are in your marriage relationship, with God’s grace you can turn your marriage around in 2018. I don’t know a couple who hasn’t experienced cycles of sin in their relationship. Remember, individually and corporately, the power of this verse:

But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we con- fess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 1 John 1:7-9 (NLT)

If there is any type of hidden sin in your lives, it will fight against your intimacy. You must turn the light on and cleanse your marriage from sinful patterns.

Early in our pastoral ministry, a young couple sought our counsel. The wife and husband had sought out a Christian counselor. When the husband expressed his desire to watch pornography, the “Christian” counselor encouraged them both to watch sex video together to stimulate physical intimacy. Opening the door to pornography as a couple brought a license to sin into their home. The wife, in particular, felt dirty and devalued by this pornography. They had invited the world into their bedroom, rather than the Holy One who is the Giver of great sex. When they turned away from pornography and were cleansed from their individual sin, their home life and marital oneness were established in purity.

Turn Your Marriage Around in 2018

You may not have brought pornography into your bedroom, but are there things that you have allowed to come into your life that fight against intimacy with your spouse? If so, turn the light on. If you confess your sin to God, not only will He forgive you, but He will cleanse you and put your marital intimacy on the right track.

If there is only one of you working on purity in your marriage, you will face barriers that only God can remove. If you are in this situation, ask God to show you your next steps.

Be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit to help you turn your marriage around. Are you supposed to spend more time together? Are you to surprise him or her with acts of service? Is there a gift you are supposed to buy to express your loyal love? Are you supposed to contact a Christian counselor to help you resolve your issues? (Remember to seek out good references and establish the integrity of his or her counsel.) Is there a marriage retreat that you should invest in? Is there a book that you are to read together? God is for you! Trust Him! 

How to Build a Marriage That Lasts

How to Turn your marriage around in 2017

Building a marriage that lasts requires love, intimacy, and integrity of heart every day! Celebrate the Day of Hearts with 9 Valentine’s Day Ideas!

Download 9 Ideas Here

 



How to Stop the Crazy Cycle in Your Marriage

How to stop the crazy cycle

How to Stop the Crazy Cycle

Let’s face it, relationships are not easy. 80% of the time your marriage may feel like it is smooth sailing, but 20% of the time you may hit a storm. If year after year in a marriage, you hit the same storm it can be disheartening. You want to learn how to stop the crazy cycle in time for Christmas!

The Need for Love and Respect

. In times of conflict, men and women may speak a different language. Dr. Emerson Eggerich talks about the “Pink and Blue Difference” in this video:

Stop the Crazy Cycle in time for Christmas!

If you have been feeling that crazy stress that comes from the crazy cycle, there is good news – you can get off of the cycle in time for the Holidays! In fact, you can choose today to offer love and respect to your spouse not based on whether or not they deserve it, but based on the goodness of what Jesus has done for you.

The person who get’s off the merry-go-round of blame first is the spouse with the most maturity. You can see that you aren’t getting anywhere on the crazy cycle. So take some simple advice, and show your husband some respect and your wife some love. I know, it seems overly-simplified… but try it. For some couples that we have walked through in this process, this foundation of love and respect was a game-changer for their marriage.

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage

We are receiving some amazing testimonies of how God has used 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage to help build a relationship that lasts. Here are a few comments from readers.

“I wish I would have read this during our first year of marriage, when everything was new and a little confusing. I had many “okay I’m normal!” moments while reading and thinking in retrospect. I especially liked how Sue really took the time to encourage the reader to evaluate his/her relationship with Christ. We get so caught up in a title rather than a lifestyle. I think this has been an excellent reading endeavor, and I will recommend it to all my married and soon to be married friends.” Maddie

“I appreciated the vulnerability shown throughout the pages, along with Sue’s willingness to share personal stories from her own marriage- the good and the bad. We can learn from each other, and this book had the tone of a wise, older sister, sharing her wisdom out of love, with a desire to see marriages succeed.” Dawn Klinge

Truly a delightful, uplifting read with a spirit-driven plan to sustain both partners in a life-long marriage!” Angela

“This book is both encouraging and real, and would make a great gift too! Practical and biblical advice whether married, or preparing for marriage.” Dorris Swift

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage

Get your copy today!

Click here to get your autographed copy of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage

 

Valentine’s Day – Putting it all on the line for love

The History of Valentine’s Day

The Origin of Valentine’s Day… Putting it all on the line for love, Saint Valentine was martyred on February 14 269 AD. How does a Roman priest end of being named for a holiday celebrating love? Christian Broadcasting Network recently interviewed Father O’Gara to find out the facts about Saint Valentine.

Valentine's Day

“He was a Roman Priest at a time when there was an emperor called Claudias who persecuted the church at that particular time,” Father O’Gara explains. ” He also had an edict that prohibited the marriage of young people. This was based on the hypothesis that unmarried soldiers fought better than married soldiers because married soldiers might be afraid of what might happen to them or their wives or families if they died.”

“I think we must bear in mind that it was a very permissive society in which Valentine lived,” says Father O’Gara. “Polygamy would have been much more popular than just one woman and one man living together. And yet some of them seemed to be attracted to Christian faith. But obviously the church thought that marriage was very sacred between one man and one woman for their life and that it was to be encouraged. And so it immediately presented the problem to the Christian church of what to do about this.”

“The idea of encouraging them to marry within the Christian church was what Valentine was about. And he secretly married them because of the edict.” Valentine was caught, tortured and martyred in 269 AD

“What Valentine means to me as a priest,” explains Father O’Gara, “is that there comes a time where you have to lay your life upon the line for what you believe. And with the power of the Holy Spirit we can do that — even to the point of death.”

The Meaning of Valentine’s Day

I find Father O’Gara’s idea of laying our lives on the line for what we believe to be compelling. The agape love of God is so much deeper than the paper hearts, balloons and tissue paper of a one day holiday. God’s love transcends whether you are single or married, divorced or widowed, young or old. God’s love is universal and crosses lines to unite people.

So Happy Valentine’s Day to You no matter what stage of life you are in… You have the ability and calling to lay it all on the line for what you believe.

Ok, so after learning about Saint Valentine laying down his life for what he believed in, it seems so superficial to let you know that 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage is still on sale today and tomorrow. However, I believe this message of building a marriage that lasts is powerful and I want you to give it to as many people as you feel led to on Valentine’s Day. $.99 for the ebook and $9.99 for the paperback. Buy Now

Valentine's Day

Final Guide – 9 Traits Marriage Study (Expectancy)

Expectancy—Marriages typically begin with a healthy measure of hope and big expectations. Sin, in a variety of forms, can dash those hopes. Committing to a godly standard for your life and relationship will set you on a path to a strong, life-giving marriage.

Maintaining expectancy in marriage is an important pursuit of a healthy marriage. But just like acceptance, friendship, safety, honesty, intimacy, passion, endurance, and restoration, if you aren’t intentional about maintaining this life-giving trait, expectancy can dwindle, like water down a drain.

Let’s discuss Chapter 9 of #MarriageRocks

Read Chapter 9 of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. Reflect and journal the following questions. If you signed up, you will receive a free download today in email that you can use.

  1. Have you experienced any obstacles to expectancy in your marriage? (I give some examples on pages 94-95)

 

  1. What are some ways you find time to spend with your first love, Jesus, daily?

 

  1. How can you renew your mind daily to cleanse yourself from the toxins of this world? (Romans 12:2)

As your last assignment, write your dear spouse a love letter. Use adjectives that describe why you first fell in love with them. 

It’s been great focusing on marriage. I hope you have grown from this study. I know that I have! Love to hear your comments.

 $.99 for the ebook and $9.99 for the paperback. Buy Now

Valentine's Day


The Best Valentine’s Day Gift!

The Best Valentine’s Day Gift

The best Valentine’s Day gift you can give is a relationship that lasts.  For Valentine’s Day Weekend ONLY you can give 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage: How to Build a Marriage that Lasts… the ebook is only $.99 this weekend and the book is $9.99. Buy Here!

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage

As a couple, you have the opportunity to allow the Spirit of God to make your marriage a masterpiece. We pray that your marriage will be a sign that points to the goodness of God in how He has worked miracles in your marriage.

God desires for marriage to draw us into a closer relationship with Him—unity with Him enables us to have a life-giving marriage.  It is His grace that transforms you into a person capable of the love and respect necessary for a strong, healthy marriage.

Your spouse really can be your best friend—someone to whom you are emotionally bonded. As friends, you find joy in being together. You choose to share the intimate details of your life with each other, to listen and comfort in the face of pain and sorrows. Because a friend loves at all times, you share the joy of daily life and learn to let go of irritations and petty offenses. You choose to enjoy your differences and build a unity of being one. You protect the powerful bond of your marriage covenant.

9 Ways to Build your marriage

Click Picture to gain instant access

If you need fresh ideas of how to spend your valentine’s day – Click Picture for 9 Ways to celebrate the day of hearts. 

For Valentine’s Day Weekend ONLY you can get my marriage ebook for only $.99 and my book for $9.99. Buy Here!

God has designed your marriage to be an encouragement to other couples. Your marriage can grow up like a strong tree planted in the soil of God’s Word. Each year of your marriage is like a ring on a tree. Some years, you may experience
drought. Those are the years that your roots will
reach even deeper into the soil to be fed by the underground stream of God’s refreshment. And through every storm you weather together, your marriage grows because your life and strength comes from Him.

Celebrate the Day of Hearts!

The wonderful thing about Valentine’s Day is that it reminds us to take time to invest in our marriage. If you need a few ideas for this Valentine’s Day Download 9 Ideas Here

How to Build a Marriage that Lasts

For every special day that we celebrate together, it is he consistency of building a marriage that lasts that brings joy. I hope you will take an opportunity to invest in your marriage by downloading 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. For Valentine’s Day Weekend ONLY you can get my marriage ebook for only $.99 and my book for $9.99. Buy Here!

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Listen To Interview – The Shaun Tabatt Show

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I did quite a few interviews. Enjoy this interview with Shaun Tabatt.

For Valentine’s Day Weekend ONLY you can get my marriage ebook for only $.99 and my book for $9.99. Buy Here!

The Battle of the Sexes

The Battle of the Sexes in marriage

The Battle of the Sexes

The Battle of the sexes brings discord in our homes. God has made us to live in harmony rather than strife. The battle of the sexes is a disagreement or fight for power between a man and a woman. The enemy stages these attacks against us by whispering thoughts in our mind. These accusations if unchecked can cause our emotions to spiral downward until we are in are in a true battle. You may recognize his telltale warfare tactics. They often sound something like this:

“She ALWAYS does this…”

“He NEVER takes time to understand my needs…”

“I TOLD HIM what I needed, but he still did this…”

“She is SELFISH…”

“I’m NOT going to put up with this anymore…”

“She is never going to CHANGE…”

“If he is going to do this, then I am going to…”

Have you been in a battle of the sexes like this? If you are married, the answer may be– YES! The enemy hates marriages.

If you are in the middle of a battle, ask yourself this…

“Where did I allow the enemy to get a foothold in my mind and in my emotions?” I know that when I open the door by allowing the enemy access to my heart by dwelling on accusations I make my home vulnerable. As Christians we have the responsibility to close every door and window against satan’s attacks. We can guard our hearts and seek refuge in Jesus.

As I sought the Lord for insight on how I’d allowed the enemy access to my heart recently, He showed me a petty thing that my husband had done. He had sinned against me in a small way, but the dart had nonetheless wounded my heart. Jesus also showed me a deeper issue of recurring pain in my marriage. He led me to forgive my husband—completely. Then, like a skilled surgeon, He removed the enemy’s arrow out of my wounded heart. He flushed out the poison of hopelessness and renewed my heart with hope. He cut away the disappointment and filled the empty space with courage.

Week 5 – 9 Traits Marriage Study (Restoration)

Restoration—Understand this: Satan wants your divinely ordained marriage to fail. His battle tactics can cause injuries that, if left unattended, can certainly end in death. Restoration is a process of healing and building reinforcements to prevent future attacks. Jesus calls us to restoration in our relationships:

Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. 2 Corinthians 13:11

Restoration repairs and rebuilds trust when it is compromised. Redemption is the divine exchange of our sin with God’s righteousness. Jesus is the only One who can pay off the debt that each spouse owes to the other.

Battle of the Sexes

Let’s discuss Chapter 8 of #MarriageRocks

Read Chapter 8 of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. Reflect and journal the following questions. If you signed up, you will receive a free download today in email that you can use.

  1. Has your mind been filled with thoughts from the enemy’s spiritual warfare tactics like described in chapter 8?

 

  1. What situations has your marriage endured that the enemy intended for a trap?

 

  1. “God is for our marriage to be healthy and life-giving.”
 What truths in God’s Word can you pray this week for a life-giving marriage?

We will see you back here Wednesday to discuss chapter 9.

Here’s a beautiful printable that reminds us that we take our lead from Christ. Jesus restores peace in our homes. Click the picture to download your copy.