3 Ways to Make Marriage an Adventure by Wayne Detweiler

Being married is an adventure. Let’s face it; we each bring habits and expectations into a marriage. None of us is perfect. I know I fall short as a husband; all men do. Just as every woman fails to be a perfect wife.

Make Marriage Adventure

The words, “’Til death do us part,” join us with a partner who has his or her own preconceived ideas of what a marriage is supposed to be like. Inevitably, we don’t meet each other’s expectations. We are each faced with the need to confront our own immaturity, weaknesses, and selfishness because marriage has a way of revealing what was previously hidden or suppressed.

When I dreamed of being married, I pictured myself as a man who would be strong, loving, affectionate, and kind. I was already a pastor. At the age of twenty-nine, I was used to having my own space and my own way of doing things. Suddenly, I was faced with being the leader in a home with a very strong woman who had ideas of her own. I also was charged with being a covering to a wife whose tenderness and vulnerability went far deeper than her confident exterior revealed.

He transforms the broken pieces of our lives into a union with purpose and hope. That’s what He did in our marriage. Over and over again, I have been amazed at how God has used our story to bring healing to other couples.

As Sue and I talked about the writing 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage, we debated whether we should co-write it. After Sue’s book, 9 Traits of a Life- Giving Mom, had so much success, we both agreed that Sue would write this book on marriage and I would be her coach, confidante, and support.

Having quite a collection of great marriage books, we realized that most of the books have been penned by the husband with the support of the wife. As such, this book offers a fresh perspective on the characteristics of a life-giving marriage. You’ll notice that Sue’s writing style may be more vulnerable and transparent than you are used to; she writes from the heart. And we both hope that what you read in the pages that follow will strengthen and encourage you in your desire to be a better husband or wife.

We do not feel called to present ourselves as experts. Our desire is to walk alongside you, honestly and transparently, in this journey of marriage. The One we look to as the main expert on marriage was never married, yet He speaks of the church being His imperfect bride. His name is Jesus Christ.

Are there things about Sue that I would like to change? Yes, of course. If I were writing 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage, would I choose to describe the circumstances of our marriage differently? Yes, I would. A husband’s perspective will always be different from that of his wife, just as every human being sees life from a unique vantage point.

1. Make Marriage an Adventure by Walking Closely with God

Throughout my marriage to Sue, I have learned that the greatest thing I can do to be a better husband is to walk more closely and intimately with God. In relationship with God I find strength, wisdom, insight, boldness, courage, and power to lead my home with honor and integrity. It’s a great exchange. I give Jesus my imperfectness, and He gives me His Holy Spirit as a guide, comforter, and encourager.

2. Make Marriage an Adventure by Being Transformed

With confidence in the transformative power of God, I know He is able to lift you out of the lowest pit and encourage and empower you. God is the One who brings life, even out of death. In Him, we have the opportunity to diffuse all work of the enemy and embrace the creative work of God. The Marriage Adventure begins with transformation. God uses marriage to rub off our rough edges and make us more like Him. 

3. Make Marriage an Adventure by Sticking with It

In the middle of every adventure is the scary middle. It’s the time in your life that you feel stuck and you want to quit. In the middle of everything work fighting for is the tough stuff. I hope as you read our story it will encourage you to keep going and not give up.

We invite you to be a part of the #MarriageRocks Team

Wayne & Sue Detweiler Getting the word out about building marriages that last takes a whole team. Relationships are tough. We need the help of each other. You can join by clicking here.

9 Traits of a Life Giving Marriage Launch Team

I hope you can be a part of the #MarriageRocks Launch Team. CLICK HERE to apply.

Do you want to…
• Heal the broken places in your marriage
• Strengthen your relationship with your spouse
• Understand God’s plan for your marriage
• Revive your relationship with God’s transformative power

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage

If we are honest, we all need help in our marriages…

Life-Giving Marriage

Yes, I’ve written another book called 9 Traits of a Life Giving Marriage: How to Build a Relationship that Lasts and it’s coming out October 23rd!

You can be a part by joining the 9 Traits of a Life Giving Marriage launch team. CLICK HERE to apply.


As part of the team, you are agreeing that you are willing and able to:

-Share provided shareable images and pre-made tweets

-Have FUN and receive encouragement as you interact with other launch team members discussing themes from the book(s)! Sue will drop in every once in a while as well!

-If you have a blog or website, you will also have the opportunity to sign up to write a blog post related to themes / topics we will provide found in the book.


In exchange for your help spreading the word about the book via blogging, social media and within your local circle of friends and family through October 30, 2015, we’ll provide you with 2 chapters of the book each week of the campaign to read and share material from. We’ll also have the opportunity to win some exclusive weekly giveaways during the launch campaign. Active participants in the launch team will receive the full PDF of the book at the end of the campaign and will also be eligible to receive an autographed, physical copy of the book after the campaign period is over!


CLICK HERE to apply.  If chosen, you’ll receive an email and we’ll start the party!

I’m excited to have you join my team!

9 Traits of a Life Giving Marriage is available for pre-order here!

Here’s a Short Video Invitation…


CLICK HERE to apply.  If chosen, you’ll receive an email and we’ll start the party!

I’m excited to have you join my team!

9 Traits of a Life Giving Marriage is available for pre-order here!

3 Things You Need to Say to Help Your Marriage

Help your marriage

3 Things Your Spouse Needs to Hear You Say to Help Your Marriage

Have you ever found yourself saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to your spouse? I know I have. In order to say words that build up and encourage our spouse we need to see them as God’s recreations through Christ.

This video by MercyMe may bring tears to your eyes as you realize that God’s unconditional love makes you (and your spouse) flawless. Watch this video and share it with others:

God’s Unconditional Love Will Transform Your Marriage.

Don’t make the mistake to think that it is your unconditional love that will transform your marriage.  It is the unconditional love of God as seen in the cross of Jesus Christ that makes your marriage flawless. We all make so many mistakes in life.

Here are 5 things you can say to your spouse to encourage him/her.

1. I respect you…

Sometimes women have a hard time respecting their husbands when they have made mistakes. They find it easier to love their husband despite their mistakes, but they lose the respect. Once their eyes shone with respect, but now they reflect the disappoint they feel. We can put our husbands through hell, reminding them of all the ways they fall short. They hear it in the words that we say and how we say it.

God’s word to wives through the apostle Paul is to respect their husbands,

“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Ephesians 5:33 NLT

Seeing our husbands through the light of God’s redeeming love, we are able to treat them with respect as we trust that God is taking their flawed lives and has made them flawless. It’s like we look at our husband and then look beyond them to the eyes of Christ, we can respect him. Our respect is a choice based on the command of Christ, not based on our husbands performance. We may not respect his poor choices, but we can fully respect who He is in Christ.

Wives need respect from their husbands as well. More and more women have leadership roles in our society that require a lot of work and sacrifice. When a husband honors and esteems the accomplishments of his wife, it brings shared joy. No one knows everything that a wife goes through to be a strong leader, the husband covers her with His love and respect.

2. I love how God has made you…

It is important to say “I love you”… but to keep going and expound that we love how God has made our spouse. This gives you a wonderful opportunity to expound on his/her unique strengths. It also communicates acceptance of how God has made him/her to be. These words value your spouse as an eternal being made with a divine purpose.

3. I want to help you become all that God has created you to be…

The moment before the camera clicked for our engagement photo, my husband to be said these words, “I want to help you become all that God has created you to be…” It was back in the day that camera’s had timers. When Wayne said those words, the light reflected and the camera created a rainbow arc over us. We are looking deep into each others eyes. You can see in my eyes a deep trust.

My husband and I are so very different from each other, yet we have both been radically committed to being supportive of who God has made each one of us to be. We have regularly made sacrifices of time, commitment and money to help each other accomplish what God has called each of us to individually and as a couple.

One of the things God has created us for, is to help marriages through vulnerably telling our story.

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage We have ministered to marriages all of our married lives through premarital counseling, couples coaching, retreats and conferences. Now, we have a new resource that is coming out in bookstores near you. I would love for you to download a copy of the introduction and first chapter here.Download Here

I would also love for you to be a part of our launch team. The book launch is scheduled for October 23. Send an email to Alyssa@SueDetweiler.com to find our more about being a part of the launch team.

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3 Ways to Know if your Marriage is Drifting

Marriage Drifting

Is Your Marriage Drifting?

Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation with your spouse, and you realized that your mind is drifting? You have no idea what your spouse just said, but you act like you got it all.

1. Drifting Happens When We Aren’t Paying Attention

Pastor Pete Wilson does a great job talking about how we can end up drifting away from God’s purposes in this message:

When couples get married, the intent of their heart is not to drift apart. In fact, they can’t imagine drifting away from the one they love. Yet, you can’t take your spouse for granted. If you don’t pay attention to what they are saying, you won’t pay attention to how they are feeling. A lack of attentiveness to your spouses needs will not only land you in “the dog house” it will put you in danger of traps that you never anticipated.

2. Drifting Happens When We Aren’t Anchored

. It’s easy to sleep in from church one day and feel like you have taken a wonderful sabbath rest. However, if it becomes a habit of your marriage, you won’t have the anchor of Christian Community to help grow your intimacy with God and with each other.

Ask yourself these questions about the habits of your marriage: 1. Do we pray together every day? 2. Do we treat each other according to God’s word? 3. Do we go to church together every Sunday?

There has been a false statistic floating around that says that 50% of all Christian marriages end in divorce. When author and researcher Shaunti Feldhahn took eight years to research this, she found that this statistic was not only false, it was being used to demoralize christian marriages. “Pastors need to know this,” she said. “People need to be able to look around the average congregation and say, ‘You know what, most of these people will have strong and happy marriages for a lifetime.  Doing what God says matters. This is a big deal to know.”

3. Drifting Happens When We are Caught in Sin

There are all kinds of sin that causes a marriage to drift: pornography, adultery, lying, stealing just to name a few. Sin separates us from God’s best for our lives, and isolates us from intimacy with others. Whether your spouse nows everything about the sin you are caught in or if you are still trying to hide it, sin is devastating to a marriage.

Yet, if truth be told, Romans 3:23 says

“For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.”

One of the difficult things about your marriage is that not only has your spouse sinned against you, you have sinned against your spouse.

So ask yourself this question: Am I drifting? Just realizing that you are drifting in your marriage can cause you to wake up and fight for all that God has for you and your partner.

9 Ways to Fight for Your Marriage

Life-Giving Marriage We have had it in our heart to write a book for marriage for over 20 years. On October 2, 2015 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage will launch.

You can have instant access to the introduction and first chapter right here.
Download Here 

Transformation: Forming New Wings to Fly

Transformation Takes Time

Have you ever felt stuck in where you are now and where you want to be?


When it is time for the caterpillar to become a butterfly, it makes a hole in it’s cocoon. It will then struggle for hours to get it’s body through the tiny opening. One day a farmer thought he would help the butterfly out and he carefully took a scissors and made the opening larger. Soon the butterfly emerged. But it didn’t take long for the farmer to see that He had made a mistake. He noticed that the wings didn’t have their full strength and the butterfly was unable to fly. In order for a butterfly to fly, it needs to go through the transformation of emerging from the cocoon.

Like the metamorphose of the butterfly, God uses the very struggles you are facing in your life, to strengthen you to become the person you are called to be. So be encouraged.

You can listen to this encouragement on Today’s Healing Rain Broadcast.

You have What You Need to Fly

It took the transformational process to turn something that crawled on the ground into something that can fly.

Watch this video of the transformation of the caterpillar into the butterfly.

Transformational Process

It is the same with you and with me. We need to go through the process of transformation in order to form the wings to fly at full capacity in our lives. Do not despise the day of small beginnings, trust God for the complete fulfillment of His plan in your life.

Are You Believing for a Transformation in Your Marriage?

Life-Giving Marriage I am so excited about my new book coming out. We have had it in our hearts to write this book for so many years that we have been helping marriages, that it does seem like we emerged out of a cocoon to see new life. We have a passion to help marriages be transformed from mediocre to masterpiece marriages. The book launches on October 2. Send me an email at info@SueDetweiler.com if you would like to be a part of the launch team. 

You can download an introduction and the first chapter by clicking this button for immediate access. Download Here

Be an Encouragement Today

Use this image of the butterfly to encourage others today. I would love to hear your comments.

The War Room: Learning to Fight in Prayer (Linkup)

Do You have The War Room in Your House?

The day that I fell on my face before God to cry out for transformation in my marriage, was the day I learned how to go to war for my marriage.  I went into the prayer room proud, thinking that I was in the right. I left the prayer room humbled, knowing that I needed to change in order for my marriage to change. You can read more here. Download Here

The War Room

Learning to battle in prayer for your relationships can have a life-and-death impact. Many people talk about prayer and share prayer requests. Few people actually enter into The War Room on behalf of another. I was powerfully impacted by the moving The War Room.  Watch this trailer about the movie. Each one of us need to learn how to fight in prayer. The battle is won on our knees. Learning to pray strategically is a matter of life and death.   

What I Learned from The War Room

As I sat watching the movie, I found myself weeping through most of it. I knew that I was in the presence of God in that movie theatre. I was impacted by the struggle of the wife (played by Priscilla Shirer), to learn how to pray for her husband. She had every intention of praying, but she had to take away all the distractions to prayer. There is a scene where she is sitting in her prayer closet eating a bag of chips. Although it was a funny moment, all too often we lose the battle before we even start.  Since moving into our new home in Texas, I have struggled to find “my place” in prayer. In the past, I had exact places where I liked to pray and I could pray out-loud without distraction. Our Texas home has an open architecture where you can hear everything. My office no longer has a door on it. We also regularly have a full house. After watching the movie, I feel like I have a new strategy. I decided to pack up all my clothes, and just keep out the bare minimum of what I wear every day. I have the biggest closet that I have ever had in my life, so I was able to transform my closet into The WAR Room.  I purchased some white poster board from the grocery store. I plan on posting the following on my Prayer Wall:

  • Names of Family Members



  • Names of Leadership Team of Life Bridge Church



  • Names of People I Have Divine Appointments with


I also plan on listing all the goals I have for the year:

  • Personal Goals (like losing weight & working out)



  • Financial Goals (like harvesting funds to plant Life Bridge Church)



  • Outreach Goals (praying for the lost and seeing transformation in lives)



  • Professional Goals (launching a book & a podcast)


I also plan to list positive confessions to pray out-loud

  • Prayers for my husband ( I have written prayers in my book for marriages)



  • Prayers for my children (I have written prayers in my book for moms)



  • Positive Confessions (Scriptures that God has given me to believe Him in prayer)



Prayer is for All Ages

Sometimes we make prayer seem like a difficult exercise, but really it is just having an ongoing conversation with God. I find that I am attracted to how children are so easily able to enjoy God and invite Him into their everyday lives. When we were watching The War Room at the Theatre, I felt a little tug on my two and met 2 friends. I interviewed these 2 experts who gave their review of The War Room. Watch their short movie review:

Learn How to Fight for Your Marriage

Life-Giving Marriage The war for our marriages is won on our knees. Power-filled, Life-Giving Marriages do not just happen, you have to fight for your marriage. This book will help you fight! You can read some about my story of going to The War Room in prayer in the first chapter of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage.  You can have instant access to the Introduction and first Chapter by clicking this button:Download Here

There are so many powerful Scriptures about learning to fight in prayer:



One Day at a Time – #HealingRain

08-27-15 One Day at a Time

Living One Day at a Time requires Faith

Are you weighed down by the cares of life?

I don’t know what heartbreaking situation you may be facing within your family. Your child may be diagnosed with autism. You may be dealing with a rebellious child. You may have someone you love fighting cancer. You may be in a difficult time in your marriage or going through a bitter divorce. You may be a single mom fighting to have enough time with your child.

No matter what you are going through, there is enough grace for today! So take it one day at a time. Listen to todays Healing Rain Broadcast. 

Living in Freedom One Day at a Time

Living life free from fear and worry means that we trust God for every breath we take.

Beginning our day remembering all that God has done in our lives will lift your spirit and your hopes. He is alive in us. Nothing can take His place. He is all we need. His love has set us free!

Take a moment, to worship, clap your hands and maybe even dance when you listen to “Alive” by Hillsong

Does that Song Make you Want to Dance?

There are times when we are going through tough times, that we need to just stomp our feet, clap our hands, and move to the beat. The enemy of our souls hates worship because it makes us look up and see how BIG OUR GOD IS and how small our problem is in comparison.

In the midst of the darkest night, HIS light shines through. If we begin to live so that His will can be done in and through us every single day, we will live a life filled with freedom and joy.

Encouragement for your Marriage

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage I know how tough and how wonderful marriage can be. We need to take our relationships one day at a time. I would love to give you an opportunity to read the Introduction and First Chapter of my upcoming book 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage which comes out in book stores on October 2. Click the button for immediate download.Download Here