3 Things Your Spouse Needs to Hear You Say to Help Your Marriage
Have you ever found yourself saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to your spouse? I know I have. In order to say words that build up and encourage our spouse we need to see them as God’s recreations through Christ.
This video by MercyMe may bring tears to your eyes as you realize that God’s unconditional love makes you (and your spouse) flawless. Watch this video and share it with others:
God’s Unconditional Love Will Transform Your Marriage.
Don’t make the mistake to think that it is your unconditional love that will transform your marriage. It is the unconditional love of God as seen in the cross of Jesus Christ that makes your marriage flawless. We all make so many mistakes in life.
Here are 5 things you can say to your spouse to encourage him/her.
1. I respect you…
Sometimes women have a hard time respecting their husbands when they have made mistakes. They find it easier to love their husband despite their mistakes, but they lose the respect. Once their eyes shone with respect, but now they reflect the disappoint they feel. We can put our husbands through hell, reminding them of all the ways they fall short. They hear it in the words that we say and how we say it.
God’s word to wives through the apostle Paul is to respect their husbands,
“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Seeing our husbands through the light of God’s redeeming love, we are able to treat them with respect as we trust that God is taking their flawed lives and has made them flawless. It’s like we look at our husband and then look beyond them to the eyes of Christ, we can respect him. Our respect is a choice based on the command of Christ, not based on our husbands performance. We may not respect his poor choices, but we can fully respect who He is in Christ.
Wives need respect from their husbands as well. More and more women have leadership roles in our society that require a lot of work and sacrifice. When a husband honors and esteems the accomplishments of his wife, it brings shared joy. No one knows everything that a wife goes through to be a strong leader, the husband covers her with His love and respect.
2. I love how God has made you…
It is important to say “I love you”… but to keep going and expound that we love how God has made our spouse. This gives you a wonderful opportunity to expound on his/her unique strengths. It also communicates acceptance of how God has made him/her to be. These words value your spouse as an eternal being made with a divine purpose.
3. I want to help you become all that God has created you to be…
The moment before the camera clicked for our engagement photo, my husband to be said these words, “I want to help you become all that God has created you to be…” It was back in the day that camera’s had timers. When Wayne said those words, the light reflected and the camera created a rainbow arc over us. We are looking deep into each others eyes. You can see in my eyes a deep trust.
My husband and I are so very different from each other, yet we have both been radically committed to being supportive of who God has made each one of us to be. We have regularly made sacrifices of time, commitment and money to help each other accomplish what God has called each of us to individually and as a couple.
One of the things God has created us for, is to help marriages through vulnerably telling our story.
We have ministered to marriages all of our married lives through premarital counseling, couples coaching, retreats and conferences. Now, we have a new resource that is coming out in bookstores near you. I would love for you to download a copy of the introduction and first chapter here.Download Here
I would also love for you to be a part of our launch team. The book launch is scheduled for October 23. Send an email to Alyssa@SueDetweiler.com to find our more about being a part of the launch team.