Why I Wrote This Book: Helping Marriages Heal, Grow, and Thrive
Marriages can easily slip into survival mode. Even couples who deeply love each other can find themselves stuck, discouraged, or disconnected. If you have been married longer than a week, you already know that no marriage is perfect. All of us carry expectations, habits, and weaknesses into the relationship. Yet despite the challenges, every marriage has incredible potential for growth. Because of this, I wrote this book—to give couples the tools, encouragement, and spiritual strength they need to move from barely surviving to fully thriving.
I Wrote This Book to Help Marriages Thrive Rather Than Survive
Too many marriages feel drained rather than strengthened. Some couples quietly keep going, hoping things will get better one day. Others hide their pain behind closed doors, afraid to admit that they are struggling. It is easy to tell yourself, “Just hang on,” or “Try harder,” or “This is just what marriage is.” However, simply pushing through rarely brings healing.
Real transformation begins with Jesus. He is the Life-Giver. When His presence enters the hurting or stagnant places in your marriage, everything begins to shift. His strength fills what feels empty. His creativity brings beauty where there has been strain. Apart from Him, we can do nothing. However, when He is at the center, He can turn a weary marriage into a masterpiece of grace.
I Wrote This Book to Help Couples Learn a New Way to Communicate
Communication either deepens intimacy or quietly destroys it. For more than thirty-five years, Dr. John Gottman studied couples and identified four harmful communication patterns he called The Four Horsemen. They are the most accurate predictors of divorce.
Criticism attacks character rather than naming a specific issue. Contempt uses sarcasm, eye-rolling, or mocking to belittle a spouse. Defensiveness shifts blame instead of taking responsibility. Stonewalling shuts down communication completely and leaves the spouse feeling ignored and unseen.
If these patterns sound familiar, you are not alone. Many couples become trapped in this painful dance without realizing what is happening. The good news is that new steps can be learned. Changing the way you speak, listen, and respond changes the entire rhythm of your marriage. You may not be able to control your spouse’s behavior, but you can change yours—and when you do, the dance itself begins to transform.
I Wrote This Book to Heal the Broken Places in Marriage
Every marriage experiences seasons of disappointment, hurt, or miscommunication. However, God’s desire is for your marriage to be whole, strong, and deeply connected. When your own heart finds safety in Jesus, you learn how to build emotional and spiritual safety with your spouse. The Holy Spirit comforts, guides, and strengthens you as you navigate difficult moments.
Because of the marriage covenant, you and your spouse promise to remain faithful emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. When all three remain connected, your marriage becomes resilient. However, when connection breaks down, intimacy weakens. Thankfully, God heals the places that feel painful or broken. If you feel half-hearted because of stress, harsh words, or disappointment, God can rekindle love and restore what feels lost.
Although you cannot control your spouse’s actions, you can control your responses. When your marriage feels under spiritual attack, it is wise to ask for help, strengthen your support, and let God rebuild a protective wall around your relationship.
I Wrote This Book to Help Couples Go from “Good” to “Great”
Many marriages are not in crisis, yet they are not thriving either. They function, but they lack spark, joy, and deep connection. Thankfully, God wants so much more for your marriage. He longs to draw both of you closer to Him and closer to one another. When the Holy Spirit shapes your hearts, your relationship becomes a masterpiece—full of color, hope, and new possibilities.
Just as God placed a rainbow in the sky after the flood, He offers a promise to every marriage today. The promise is not perfection; the promise is His presence. He is faithful, restorative, and powerful enough to transform your relationship from the inside out. Your marriage can become a testimony of His goodness.
Helping good marriages become great ones is one of Wayne’s and my greatest passions. Our desire is to equip couples everywhere with the tools, grace, and hope they need to experience lasting love.
Conclusion: A New Chapter Begins Today
Your marriage has incredible potential, no matter where you are starting. As you invite Jesus into the center, learn new ways to communicate, heal the broken places, and grow intentionally, you begin a new chapter—one filled with hope, unity, and deep connection. God is already at work in your heart and in your home. As you walk forward with faith, your marriage can become stronger, more life-giving, and more beautiful than ever before.
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If you have been married for more than a week, I’m certain you’re aware that your marriage is not perfect. No marriage relationship is.
I wrote this book to help marriages thrive rather than survive. I would love to hear how this life-giving message is making a difference in your marriage.
It’s refreshing to get back to basics as I read your book these past couple weeks. I know that my marriage is constantly in a flux and flow and we both need to maintain our focus on God and on each other for our marriage to thrive. I know your book will be a blessing to many marriages, despite the stage they’re currently in.
Praise God. I love how God uses it all… He even takes our mess and makes it our message.
I loved your book, Sue, and really appreciated the chapter on endurance: “embrace the bitter sweetness of endurance” – it’ll be 19 years tomorrow that we’ve been hard at that. Love the beautiful example that you and Wayne set too! Love, Kim Stewart
Kim, congratulations on 19 years of marriage… That’s amazing. Endurance is sweet.
The explanation about the scripture “don’t let the sun go down on your anger” was eye opening to me. I’ve fought with my husband well into the night, only getting crankier and more accusatory as the night goes on. If only for the this, the book has served my family well.
Hurray! I hope everyone sleeps better in your house.
On safety from the book: “To experience intimacy in marriage, both partners need to feel safe. That means your home needs to be a place of safety, a space where you are able to relax and open your hearts to each other. An emotionally safe marriage is one that allows you the freedom to be who you really are. You can trust that your spouse will love you no matter what. You feel unconditional acceptance.”
It wasn’t until later in our marriage (we’ve been married 30 years now) that we were able to come to this place but it is the best feeling. I do feel safe and that I can be me. It has made me a happier person and I believe my husband is too. It means so much to have someone to share everything with and not feel like you are being judged. It came about because of forgiveness and acceptance which are also mentioned in the book.
It is soooo powerful to be able to just be you! I praise God with you for the breakthrough in your marriage.
In this new book by Sue Detweiler, the reader is encouraged to really look at their marriage/relationship. We all have emotions that change from situation to situation. There are ways shared in this book, that allow the reader to be a support and encouragement to their loved one. Sue says, “We all want to be built up, encouraged, and empowered to live life to the fullest.”
Take time and read this book and you will be glad you did. 🙂