How to Build a Marriage that Lasts

How to Build a Marriage that Lasts

A Marriage That Lasts

Have you every wondered what the secret was to be happily married?  Have you wanted to find out how you could have a marriage like that? Shaunti Fieldhahn has spent 15 years researching what we need to know about men, women and relationships. Listen to her short video:

5 Habits of “Highly Happy” Marriages

If you want to build a marriage that lasts, it’s helpful to study those who have exceptional marriages. Shaunti Feldhahn’s study led her to write Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages. Instead of focusing on our problems in marriages, she encourages that we look at things that the happy couples to do to make their marriage stronger.  What actually works to make marriages great.   The following 5 areas are summarized from her book.

1. Little Things are BIG in a Marriage.

A marriage is a daily endeavor to share love with our spouse. Wonderful Marriages have in common that both the husband and the wife put into practice little things in a marriage. The simple fact of a wife saying “thank you” and affirming the husband for work he has done goes a long way to show respect to him. When a husband reaches out to take his wife’s hand it shares the sweetness of love in a simple way. One way to begin to build a stronger marriage today is to start concentrating on the small things in your marriage that says “I Love You.” 

2. Believe the Best About Your Spouse.

Happily Married couples believe the best about their spouses intention. It’s amazing what a difference it makes on what you think the heart of someone you love. Couples with great marriages give each other the benefit of the doubt and think positively about their intentions. 

3. Take Charge of Your Feelings About Your Spouse.

All of us can have bad days and our feelings can snowball out of control. As happily married couples choose to think good thoughts about their spouse, they also choose to take charge of their feelings. Feelings can be inaccurate and can color how you respond to someone. Your response can be harsh or disrespectful and that will lead to a harsh and unloving response from your spouse. Before you know it you are on a crazy cycle. One way to break the cycle is to take charge of your feelings.

4. Temper Honesty with Wisdom.

. Your spouse will feel like you are dumping on them. In your heart to be honest with them, you have exaggerated the situation and blown it out of proportion. True honesty is tempered in wisdom.

5. Take a Risk and Share Your Heart.

It can be tempting to pull back and not share your full heart with your spouse. It feels risky to be open and vulnerable with your heart. However if you risk it all, you have the opportunity to hit the jackpot with your spouse. Totally surrendering and letting yourself be vulnerable will help open emotional intimacy which often leads to physical and spiritual intimacy as well.

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How to Build a Marriage That Lasts

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage I’m excited to share that I have completed the manuscript to 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage which will be in bookstores beginning October 2. Click here and you can download the introduction and first chapter of the book for free.

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Author, Speaker, and Pastor

SUE DETWEILER is a mother of six, author, speaker, radio host, and pastor with over 25 years of experience in leadership, ministry and education. Sue and her husband Wayne have recently relocated to the North Dallas Texas area to plant and pastor Life Bridge Church.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • I love how Shaunti Feldhahn concentrates on building the positive things in marriage… Love her video!

  • Ruthie Gray

    What she has to say is the real deal. We most focus on the positive and watch our mouths! Here’s to 28 years of watching my mouth – with several slip ups along the way!
    Thanks for the link up as always, Sue!

    • Thanks Ruthie… Thankful for God’s Grace to cover our slip ups.

  • POWERFUL post. Yes, happy marriages take work, commitment, caring and TLC (my dad says that means tons of loose cash!). Small stuff sure adds up and makes a big deal doesn’t it Sue?!

  • Very timely post! Conflict with our husbands can be so challenging at times. I needed the live-giving truth you posted here today. Thanks! #RaRalinkup

  • I always have to remind myself to believe the best about my spouse, but it is probably the one thing that has saved our marriage. Great post. Simple. Concrete. True.

    • I agree Lea… One of the wonderful things about writing (my next book) “9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage” it was like a reminder of sharpening skills… I’m thankful that God saved your marriage… This morning when I was on The Harvest Show talking about this, I pointed to the same thing – The power of God to transform and how he uses the little things…

  • “Little things are BIG in a marriage.” So true. The small thinks add up and make a big impact. Wonderful post.

  • kelly balarie

    Awesome tips. I can probably improve on all of them. Ha! I loved considering each of these and found this post so motivational. Ok, now I have to do it! Cheering you on from the #RaRalinkup on Purposeful Faith.

    • LOL! Yep! I need to improve on all of them. Thanks Cheerleader Friend.

  • Andrea

    Great tips! I would also add to believing the best about your spouse, “speaking the best about your spouse.” Dwell on the positive and talk highly about your spouse to friends, family, children, etc. 🙂 Andrea@makethistheday.com

    • Yes, believing the best about your spouse is huge! Great word.