The Power of Acceptance in Marriage – Sue Detweiler

The Power of Acceptance in Marriage

Acceptance is one of the most transformative gifts you can bring into your marriage. Because God designs every person uniquely, each spouse carries a blend of strengths, personality traits, and quirks that reflect His creativity. However, how you choose to respond to these differences determines whether your marriage becomes a place of peace—or a place of tension. When you fix your attention on your spouse’s weaknesses, your words and tone can create stress and distance. Yet something remarkable happens when you choose acceptance instead. Acceptance becomes fertile ground for intimacy, safety, and joy to grow.

In the early years of our marriage, I struggled with fully accepting Wayne. I often misunderstood how he processed emotions and decisions. Without realizing it, I scrutinized him in ways that added pressure rather than support. Over time, the Holy Spirit gently opened my eyes to see that my lack of acceptance was creating emotional walls between us. As God softened my heart, everything began to change. The atmosphere in our marriage shifted, and our connection deepened.

Learning to Accept Your Spouse

Often, the very traits that attract you to your spouse before marriage become the traits you must learn to accept afterwards. For example, you may fall in love with a strong-willed, confident leader. His decisiveness may have been incredibly appealing while you were dating. However, later in marriage, those same traits may feel like stubbornness or dominance. Or perhaps you married a detail-oriented wife whose planning skills impressed you. After marriage, her precision may feel like nagging or nit-picking.

Because of this, acceptance can feel difficult. Sometimes it feels like surrendering or giving up, as if you’re simply “stuck” with this other person. When frustration builds, it can seem like acceptance drains the life out of the relationship. However, the truth is that acceptance—when practiced with faith and humility—opens the door for beautiful change.

Acceptance does not mean ignoring unhealthy behavior or excusing sin. Instead, acceptance is the decision to receive your spouse as God created them, with their strengths and weaknesses, trusting that He is at work in both of you.

Experience a Miracle Change through Acceptance

Acceptance is a conscious choice, and often it is a spiritual choice. As a wife, you carry the ability to magnify the God-crafted personality of your husband. As a husband, you can affirm and lift up the God-given qualities in your wife. When you choose to see your spouse through God’s eyes, you not only transform the way you perceive them—you also influence the way they see themselves and the way they relate to you.

In response to a powerful encounter with the Holy Spirit, I began practicing acceptance in very practical ways. I spoke words of respect to Wayne. I changed the way I talked about him in public. Instead of pointing out flaws, I highlighted strengths. I affirmed what God had placed in him. As I did, I witnessed a miracle in our relationship. Wayne didn’t become a different person. His personality stayed the same. But as I looked at him with fresh eyes—eyes of respect and acceptance—his confidence grew and our intimacy deepened.

If you’re thinking, “You don’t know how difficult my spouse is,” you’re right—I don’t. But I do know this: you chose them. Something about who they are fits with who you are. More importantly, God is sovereign, and He does not make mistakes. There is purpose in your pairing, even when it feels challenging.

What Acceptance Is Not

Sometimes when couples hear about acceptance, they misunderstand it. Acceptance is not pretending issues don’t exist. It is not suppressing your feelings. It is not enabling destructive behavior. And it is certainly not demanding that your spouse change first. When a husband points to his wife and says, “See, you need to treat me with more respect,” or when a wife demands perfection before offering love, they miss the heart of acceptance.

Acceptance is not fairy dust that magically makes you fall in love again. It is a posture of humility, trust, and openness that allows God to work. When you choose acceptance, you stop fighting against the person God gave you and begin cooperating with the Holy Spirit’s work in your marriage. Acceptance positions your heart for transformation.

Enjoy the Uniqueness of Your Marriage

Every marriage is unique. The way God designed your relationship may not look like anyone else’s. There are no cookie-cutter marriages. Because of this, comparison is dangerous. If you try to fit your relationship into a mold that God never designed for you, frustration will grow.

For many years, even in ministry, I struggled with wishing that Wayne and I had different giftings—more traditional ones that fit neatly into church expectations. I thought our marriage would be easier if we simply switched roles. However, God gently revealed that He did not make a mistake when He crafted our gifts. Just as He uniquely designed couples like Joyce and Dave Meyer or Priscilla and Aquila, He uniquely designed us.

Your marriage has a unique rhythm, a unique blend of strengths, and a unique assignment from God. When you let go of pressure and comparison, you gain the freedom to enjoy the beauty of how God designed both you and your spouse.

Conclusion

Acceptance has the power to breathe life back into your marriage. As you choose to honor your spouse’s God-given design and embrace your own uniqueness, you make room for intimacy, peace, and connection to flourish. God uses acceptance to soften hearts, restore broken places, and deepen unity. When you trust Him with your marriage and allow the Holy Spirit to reshape how you see each other, you position your relationship for lasting transformation. Acceptance opens the door to a marriage filled with grace, respect, and deep, enduring love.

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