The Best Valentine’s Day Gift!

The Best Valentine’s Day Gift

The best Valentine’s Day gift you can give is a relationship that lasts.  For Valentine’s Day Weekend ONLY you can give 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage: How to Build a Marriage that Lasts… the ebook is only $.99 this weekend and the book is $9.99. Buy Here!

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage

As a couple, you have the opportunity to allow the Spirit of God to make your marriage a masterpiece. We pray that your marriage will be a sign that points to the goodness of God in how He has worked miracles in your marriage.

God desires for marriage to draw us into a closer relationship with Him—unity with Him enables us to have a life-giving marriage.  It is His grace that transforms you into a person capable of the love and respect necessary for a strong, healthy marriage.

Your spouse really can be your best friend—someone to whom you are emotionally bonded. As friends, you find joy in being together. You choose to share the intimate details of your life with each other, to listen and comfort in the face of pain and sorrows. Because a friend loves at all times, you share the joy of daily life and learn to let go of irritations and petty offenses. You choose to enjoy your differences and build a unity of being one. You protect the powerful bond of your marriage covenant.

9 Ways to Build your marriage

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If you need fresh ideas of how to spend your valentine’s day – Click Picture for 9 Ways to celebrate the day of hearts. 

For Valentine’s Day Weekend ONLY you can get my marriage ebook for only $.99 and my book for $9.99. Buy Here!

God has designed your marriage to be an encouragement to other couples. Your marriage can grow up like a strong tree planted in the soil of God’s Word. Each year of your marriage is like a ring on a tree. Some years, you may experience
drought. Those are the years that your roots will
reach even deeper into the soil to be fed by the underground stream of God’s refreshment. And through every storm you weather together, your marriage grows because your life and strength comes from Him.

Celebrate the Day of Hearts!

The wonderful thing about Valentine’s Day is that it reminds us to take time to invest in our marriage. If you need a few ideas for this Valentine’s Day Download 9 Ideas Here

How to Build a Marriage that Lasts

For every special day that we celebrate together, it is he consistency of building a marriage that lasts that brings joy. I hope you will take an opportunity to invest in your marriage by downloading 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. For Valentine’s Day Weekend ONLY you can get my marriage ebook for only $.99 and my book for $9.99. Buy Here!

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Listen To Interview – The Shaun Tabatt Show

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I did quite a few interviews. Enjoy this interview with Shaun Tabatt.

For Valentine’s Day Weekend ONLY you can get my marriage ebook for only $.99 and my book for $9.99. Buy Here!

The Battle of the Sexes

The Battle of the Sexes in marriage

The Battle of the Sexes

The Battle of the sexes brings discord in our homes. God has made us to live in harmony rather than strife. The battle of the sexes is a disagreement or fight for power between a man and a woman. The enemy stages these attacks against us by whispering thoughts in our mind. These accusations if unchecked can cause our emotions to spiral downward until we are in are in a true battle. You may recognize his telltale warfare tactics. They often sound something like this:

“She ALWAYS does this…”

“He NEVER takes time to understand my needs…”

“I TOLD HIM what I needed, but he still did this…”

“She is SELFISH…”

“I’m NOT going to put up with this anymore…”

“She is never going to CHANGE…”

“If he is going to do this, then I am going to…”

Have you been in a battle of the sexes like this? If you are married, the answer may be– YES! The enemy hates marriages.

If you are in the middle of a battle, ask yourself this…

“Where did I allow the enemy to get a foothold in my mind and in my emotions?” I know that when I open the door by allowing the enemy access to my heart by dwelling on accusations I make my home vulnerable. As Christians we have the responsibility to close every door and window against satan’s attacks. We can guard our hearts and seek refuge in Jesus.

As I sought the Lord for insight on how I’d allowed the enemy access to my heart recently, He showed me a petty thing that my husband had done. He had sinned against me in a small way, but the dart had nonetheless wounded my heart. Jesus also showed me a deeper issue of recurring pain in my marriage. He led me to forgive my husband—completely. Then, like a skilled surgeon, He removed the enemy’s arrow out of my wounded heart. He flushed out the poison of hopelessness and renewed my heart with hope. He cut away the disappointment and filled the empty space with courage.

Week 5 – 9 Traits Marriage Study (Restoration)

Restoration—Understand this: Satan wants your divinely ordained marriage to fail. His battle tactics can cause injuries that, if left unattended, can certainly end in death. Restoration is a process of healing and building reinforcements to prevent future attacks. Jesus calls us to restoration in our relationships:

Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. 2 Corinthians 13:11

Restoration repairs and rebuilds trust when it is compromised. Redemption is the divine exchange of our sin with God’s righteousness. Jesus is the only One who can pay off the debt that each spouse owes to the other.

Battle of the Sexes

Let’s discuss Chapter 8 of #MarriageRocks

Read Chapter 8 of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. Reflect and journal the following questions. If you signed up, you will receive a free download today in email that you can use.

  1. Has your mind been filled with thoughts from the enemy’s spiritual warfare tactics like described in chapter 8?

 

  1. What situations has your marriage endured that the enemy intended for a trap?

 

  1. “God is for our marriage to be healthy and life-giving.”
 What truths in God’s Word can you pray this week for a life-giving marriage?

We will see you back here Wednesday to discuss chapter 9.

Here’s a beautiful printable that reminds us that we take our lead from Christ. Jesus restores peace in our homes. Click the picture to download your copy.


How to Build a Marriage That Lasts

How to Build a Marriage that Lasts

Everyone wants to build a marriage that lasts, but constant pressure can squeeze out the joy in a marriage. The stress of life can push our emotions and our relationships to the breaking point. Well-placed faith fuels our endurance. But please know, this race isn’t about survival; it’s about experiencing God’s best for your marriage.

Build a marriage that lasts

Stress is the strain and pressure from life. It creates physical and mental tension in our bodies. We can be overcome with worry and anxiety. As humans, we can only bear an overload of stress of life for so long before something gives way. Like a rubber band stretched beyond its capabilities, your marriage can snap or even break. As Christians, we don’t mean to be in denial, but, sometimes, we use our faith-filled perspective to overlook the realities

The enemy attacks during times of stress, when life seems overwhelming. But Jesus promises abundant life. Rather than burying stress or pretending it doesn’t exist, a better tactic is acknowledging it and looking to God as our source of relief and endurance.

The apostle Paul went through a great deal of stress in his life. He was stoned and left for dead. He was taken prisoner unjustly. He was shipwrecked. He knew what it meant to suffer, yet, while in prison, he wrote these words:

…that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death…. Philippians 3:10 (NKJV)

One of the ways we get to know God is through suffering. I hate to say it, but marriage can be a crucible in which we must die to our flesh over and over again.

The purifying process in your own marriage carries the precious metal of the mystery of Christ. Marriage after all, represents our relationship with Christ. All Christians, male and female, are the bride of Christ.

The enemy wants this purifying process to discourage you. He wants to destroy you and your marriage. We know from Scripture:

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10:10 (NKJV)

This verse carries a warning and a promise. The warning is: Watch out! You have a very real enemy. He seeks to steal. He tries to kill. He strives to destroy. The enemy attacks during times of stress, when life seems overwhelming. But Jesus promises abundant life. Just like Jesus went through crucifixion and came out the winner, so can you!

Yes, on this earth we go through tough things, but it is in fellowshipping with Jesus during these times of suffering that we become more like Him. After you go through experiences where your flesh is crucified, you begin to experience the power of His resurrection in your daily life.

I want to be careful at this point not to falsely predict that, if you are in a struggling marriage, you will not divorce. I can’t control your choices. Nor can you control the choices of your spouse. I know too many people who did not want or choose a divorce, but ended up divorced nonetheless. But know this: The promise Jesus has for you is bigger than your marriage. It is a promise to you personally. No matter what happens, you can find the peace and strength to endure when you trust in Christ.

That said, this promise of abundant life does apply to our marriages as Jesus is given liberty and leadership in our lives. Jesus has defeated the enemy on the cross. The enemy may attack you, but he won’t be able to win if you and your spouse commit to rely on Christ to direct your hearts, minds, and actions. 

Build a Marriage that Lasts

Praying scriptures can help build a marriage that lasts. Download your printable here. 

Click Here for Download

Week 4 – 9 Traits Marriage Study (Endurance)

If you have been married for any length of time, you likely have experienced stress in your marriage. Some stress factors may include:

  • The death of someone you loved.
  • A difficult or demanding job.
  • Sexual dysfunction.
  • Health challenges.
  • Financial challenges.
  • Special needs of your children.
  • Buying or selling a house.
  • The list goes on and on…

Without the life-giving trait of endurance, the stress of life will ruin your once healthy marriage.

Sometimes we bury stress or pretend it doesn’t exist. A better tactic is acknowledging it and looking to God as our source of relief and endurance.

Trait #7 - 9 Traits of a Life Giving Marriage

Let’s discuss Chapter 7 of #MarriageRocks

Read Chapter 7 of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. Reflect and journal the following questions. If you signed up, you will receive a free download today in email that you can use.

  1. Is there any hidden neglect blocking the healthy life-giving flow of your marriage?

 

  1. Jesus promises abundant life. (John 10:10). What are some ways you can encourage your spouse with the hope that you can get through any circumstance?

 

  1. God is good. His goodness never changes. Look up some verses in God’s Word that confirms we can rely on Him for support, comfort, and strength.

 

We will see you back here next week to wrap up our study discussing chapters 8 and 9.

Invite Your Friends:

There’s still time to also invite your friends to join you for this Study:

Join the FREE online #MarriageRocks study: http://suedetweiler.com/bookstudy

Sign up here.

The Secret to Better Sex in Marriage

The Secret to Better Sex in Marriage

How can we have better sex in a Christian marriage

During a premarital seminar we attended, I remember a man saying, “In the beginning, we weren’t very good at making love.” However, he also encouraged, “You get better at it.”

That man was right.

As my husband and I grew together and got to know each other physically, as well as emotionally and spiritually, we came to understand that every life-giving marriage is connected to the ultimate Life-Giver—the One who made sexual intimacy in marriage to be a holy experience.

And as part of that growth, we’ve also discovered a powerful truth that has brought incredible healing and given us a more passionate marriage that we never thought possible.

Our Path Towards Better Sex

In 1990, our house caught fire with my newborn daughter and me inside. Trapped by smoke and flames, I was unable to get to my baby in her crib. Thankfully, my husband came home in time. He and a fireman rescued both of us from the fire. (You can read more about this event in 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Mom).

Our marriage went from low-grade stress to over-the-top stress level. Not only were we fighting with our insurance company to pay for the damages of our home, we fought with each other every day.

Our newborn daughter developed colic, screaming inconsolably for hours at a time. Emotionally numb, we struggled to survive each day as we stumbled through our pastoral duties. Our own need for healing, individually and as a couple, made us less effective in our ministry.

Our sex life shifted from difficult to nonexistent. As a new mother with milk-engorged breasts and an overweight body, I felt more like a feeding station than a vibrant, sensual young woman. Pregnancy and childbirth brought changes in my hormones and left painful, physical reminders that made the thought of sex completely unappealing.

The stress from fire pushed our relationship over the edge. Both Wayne and I knew we needed help if our marriage was going to work.

We approached our ministry supervisor, who pointed us to a prayer-counseling ministry that included a weekend-long session. With our ten-month-old baby who was still nursing, we traveled eight hours to the event, prayerful that God would show us a solution.

Throughout the weekend, pastoral leaders shared from the heart. They were honest and candid about their own brokenness and shared how they found healing. In addition to group sessions where we heard testimonies of renewed relationships, Wayne and I received individual ministry. We met with pastoral counselors with whom we shared painful experiences in our lives.

During that time of counseling and confession, we each uncovered how events from our past darkened the lens through which we viewed sex.

Being honest with each other and with God allowed His light to shine into our relationship and mend our broken places. As a result, our sexual intimacy went from being the coldest part of our relationship to being hot and steamy.

Adding to our newfound physical intimacy was a spiritual unity like we had never experienced in our lives. Wayne initiated a time of prayer early in the mornings before he went to his secondary job. Very often, we made love after that time of prayer together before he left for his early morning shift.

The spiritual fulfillment of prayer flowed into an emotional connectedness, which lit the fire of physical intimacy.

We couldn’t get enough of each other. We were truly changed. Wayne read Christian books about sexual intimacy and grew in his knowledge as a lover. He selflessly brought me so much pleasure that sex became my favorite pastime. Through subsequent pregnancies and recovery, we kept making love, continuing to nurture our emotional, spiritual, and physical relationship.

Because we understand the need for all three strands of the spiritual, emotional, and sexual aspects of marriage to be strongly entwined, we’ve since coached and encouraged many couples through marriage ministry. We were passionate to help and compassionate about the pain. And we know that God can heal and renew relationships in exciting and beautiful ways. 

Turning Around Your Sex Life

Whatever negative, or even life-destroying, habits you or your spouse has become entangled in, there is hope for a turn-around toward a more passionate marriage. If you are dealing with sexual disfunction, imbalanced hormones, recovering from an affair or any other type of challenge, make a choice today to believe that God can heal your sex life.

Fight for Better Sex in your Marriage. Don’t just give up and think “I guess this is as good as it gets.” Be understanding and sensitive with the ups-and-downs of married life sex, but don’t become apathetic or indifferent to this important part of your relationship. 

The beginning place of greater intimacy in our marriage starts with our relationship with God.

Don’t let past sin block your relationship with God or with your spouse.

When King David turned his heart back toward God after his adulterous relationship with Bathsheba, these are the words he wrote:

Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. 

Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. 

Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. 

For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. 

Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight…. 

Psalm 51:1-4 (NLT)

The turnaround for David began with his relationship with God. In his desperation, he trusted that God was the One who could purify his heart. He trusted God to give him back his joy. He trusted God to restore his life.

Read his heartfelt prayer aloud:

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 

Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me, 

now let me rejoice. Don’t keep looking at my sins. 

Remove the stain of my guilt. Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me. 

Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, 

and make me willing to obey you. 

Psalm 51:7-12 (NLT)

Here’s Where Better Sex in a Christian Marriage Starts 

If you want to experience a more passionate marriage with your spouse, first focus on restoring passion in your heart for God. 

sex christian marriage

God is the One who has made you. You will find the fullness of joy in Him. Restoration of passion is a daily choice to walk freely with God. Right now, make your focus be on your personal relationship with the Lover of your soul.

Intimacy Flourishes in an Environment of Love and Respect

“Intimacy flourishes in an environment of love and respect; it shrinks in a power struggle. Intimacy so values what the other spouse brings to the marriage that each partner is willing to yield. 

Intimacy—A connection that includes, but goes far deeper than, sex, intimacy knits marriages together. To strengthen your bond, it’s important to recognize and honor each other’s differences and be intentional about meeting your spouse’s needs.

Just in Time for Valentine’s Day!

Better sex in Christian Marriage

Register today!

February 20 2016

Wayne & Sue Detweiler (Speakers and Hosts) With over 25 years of marriage and ministry experience, Sue & Wayne will motivate you to build a strong and intimate marriage. You will be strengthen by their biblical encouragement and then led through Marriage Exercises to help you revitalize your marriage. Your investment will help your marriage last a life time.

Included in registration cost is the book “9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage” and materials for each couple.

9:00 am Registration & Give Aways on Saturday

9:30 am – 5:30 pm Saturday (Sessions & Exercises)

Special Musical Guest/Worship Leader – Lance List 

Register Today!

better sex

Let’s discuss Chapter 5 of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage #MarriageRocks

Read Chapter 5 of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. Reflect and journal the following questions. If you signed up, you will receive a free download today in email that you can use.

  1. Which of the Top 5 Needs of a Man and woman (page 49) best describes your needs and the season you are in?
  1. It’s so important to speak our spouse’s language of love. Identify yours and share one way you will communicate it this week.
  1. It takes two to be intimate. What barriers are you facing to growing intimacy in your marriage?

We will see you back here next week to discuss Chapters 6 and 7.

Invite Your Friends:

There’s still time to also invite your friends to join you for this Study:

Join the FREE online #MarriageRocks study: http://suedetweiler.com/bookstudy

Sign up here.

Honesty in Marriage needs to be Anchored by Self-control

Honesty in Marriage Requires Self-Control

You and I have the ammunition to blow up our marriage every day. Not only do you know your spouses weaknesses, you know what triggers their own vulnerabilities. You can either build up your spouse or you can tear them to shreds.

honesty in marriage

Honesty is key to every relationship. It’s important that you and I are transparent and real with our spouse. However, it is equally important for honesty in marriage to be anchored by self-control.

In your own relationship, when you or your spouse feels flooded by emotion, one of the best things you can do is say, “Let’s stop for now and talk about this later.” Simply being aware of the physiology of your body during an argument will help you maintain self- control with your words and actions.

Self-control is God’s work in our lives. It isn’t something we, as Christians, have to muster up in our own will. Self-control is a fruit that grows when we invite the Holy Spirit in to direct our lives and heed His instruction. If you think you have to do life all on your own, you may get discouraged. But when you and I realize that we have God within us to guide us in a godly response to conflict, we can listen for and lean into His strength. Prayer is an important part of leaning into God’s strength.”

Speaking of self-control, watch this video encouragement (and confession).

Honesty—People who feel they can’t express themselves honestly to their spouse often travel down a dangerous road to find someone who listens and understands. This chapter will help you set the ground rules that open the lines of communication between you and your mate. 

Let’s discuss Chapter 4 (Honesty) #MarriageRocks

Read Chapter 4 of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. Reflect and journal the following questions. If you signed up, you will receive a free download today in email that you can use.

  1. Here are 4 helpful things to remember when setting ground rules for honesty in marriage: watch your words, listen attentively, speak honestly, keep a positive perspective. Which do you find the hardest to do?

 

  1. Do you remember a time when a “tiny spark set a great forest of fire” in your marriage? (James 3:5)

 

  1. What are some verses you can pray to help you to really listen and give your spouse your full attention?

 

We will see you back here on Wednesday to discuss Chapter 5.

Invite Your Friends:

There’s still time to also invite your friends to join you for this Study:

Join the FREE online #MarriageRocks study: http://suedetweiler.com/bookstudy

Just in Time for Valentine’s Day

Click Here to Register

 

  Better sex in Christian Marriage

February 20 2016

Wayne & Sue Detweiler (Speakers and Hosts) With over 25 years of marriage and ministry experience, Sue & Wayne will motivate you to build a strong and intimate marriage. You will be strengthen by their biblical encouragement and then led through Marriage Exercises to help you revitalize your marriage. Your investment will help your marriage last a life time.

Included in registration cost is the book “9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage” and materials for each couple.

9:00 am Registration & Give Aways on Saturday

9:30 am – 5:30 pm Saturday (Sessions & Exercises)

Special Musical Guest/Worship Leader – Lance List 


Friendship is the Wind in Our Sails

friendship in Marriage

Friendship is the Wind in Our Sails

Marriage thrives on friendship. The joy of sailing through life together. Yet most couples are not prepared for the reality that although 80% of the time you will have “smooth-sailing” — 20% of the time you will experience “rough seas.”  Watch this short video.

Friendship brings life to our marriages. When friendship falters, the relationship is at risk. Maybe you are at a great place in your marriage and are experiencing the positive emotional connectedness of being one with your spouse. If so, great! Keep investing in your friendship.

Alternatively, you may be secretly crying into your pillow, feeling as if your needs are unmet. You could be withdrawing to your workplace and flirting with the secretary who admires your leader- ship. You could be wondering if it’s possible to regain the passion you once felt in your marriage.

Friendship is the wind in the sail of your marriage. Whatever the current state of your relationship, invest the time in strengthening your friendship.  Make your marriage a rich, life-giving adventure.

Reinforcing the foundation of friendship can help you grow together, rather than apart, and keep your marriage stable and fun.

Friendship in Marriage

I remember a time when I wanted to change my husband (see chapter 2 of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage).Can you relate to that? Have you tried to change your spouse?

Last week, we learned about Acceptance. This week, remember, your spouse was created in the image of God. God fashioned and design your spouse with His purpose in mind. Since you do not have the power to change your spouse, you will need to learn to trust God and realize that it is not your role to act like the Holy Spirit in his/her life.

Now that we’ve relieved the pressure of needing to “fix” your spouse, let’s focus on the fun we can have in our marriages.

“Make time for friendship. Go out and have fun. Leave the kids with a sitter. Focus on your marriage. Focus on building your friendship, rather than proving your point.”

Trait #2 (Friendship) - 9 Traits of a Life Giving Marriage by Sue Detweiler

Week 2 – 9 Traits Marriage Study (Friendship)

Let’s discuss Chapter 2 of #MarriageRocks:

Read Chapter 2 of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage. Reflect and journal the following questions. If you signed up, you will receive a free download today in email that you can use.

  1. What were some of your favorite things to do when you were first forming a relationship with your spouse?

 

  1. Is there one “Horsemen” negative style of behavior that might be holding you back from building Friendship in your marriage (Criticism; Contempt; Defensiveness; or Stonewalling)?

 

  1. What are some ways you can commit to this week to restore Friendship in your marriage?

 

We’ll see you back here on Wednesday to discuss Chapter 3. Have a great day!

Invite Your Friends:

There’s still time to also invite your friends to join the book study. Sign up for the #MarriageRocks Study here

Join the FREE online #MarriageRocks study: http://suedetweiler.com/bookstudy

Just in Time for Valentine’s Day!

Strengthen your marriage by setting aside time to be together. This intimate conference will help you build on a deeper foundation of friendship. You will be encouraged as well as empowered through time together as a couple. Sign up today!

friendship in marriage

Sign up for The Marriage Bridge Retreat Today! 


Building a Life-Giving, Spirit-Filled Marriage

Building a Life-Giving Spirit-Filled Marriage

I went on a date with my husband over the weekend. We went to see the movie “Woodlawn.” Set in the early 70’s it tells the story of a Football Coach and the newly forced integration of his football team. Starting out with race riots, the team allowed an evangelist to speak to his team. Young men black and white were saved and everything changed. These high school students so impacted their coach that He was saved which forever changed his marriage and his family.

Weeping through this movie, I held my husbands hand believing God for more of His Spirit to be poured out in our generation. When we receive His eternal life flowing into each one of us through salvation, we are forever changed. 

As we move into 2016, my hope and prayer is that we would freshly invite Jesus to be at the center of our lives. When we experience a fresh outpouring of His spirit, we are forever changed. Then, we need to get incredibly practical, honest and transparent — inviting God’s love to impact our lives.

I want to personally invite you to invest in your marriage, Join Our 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage Online Book Study

You are invited to join a 5-week Online Book & Bible Study of my 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage book.

The study dates are January 11 – February 12, 2016. My friends Jana and Kim at Sweet to the Soul Ministries will host the daily study here on my blog and in a private Facebook group.
The only thing you need to fully participate is a copy of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage
Sign up to join the study.

Click Here to Sign Up