How to Rock Your Marriage in 2016

Rock Your Marriage in 2016

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want our marriage to be dry, old, and boring. I want our marriage to rock-and-roll with health, vigor and vitality. I want our marriage to be adventurous and fun. I want our marriage to have the sizzle of great sex and the passion of being fully alive, and the comfort and closeness of being at home with my best friend.

Life-Giving Marriage

It’s Time to Do a Marriage-Check up

Is your marriage the strongest it’s ever been?  Or has your marriage become a bit flabby and out of shape? Are you communicating clearly with love and respect, or is there an undercurrent of grumbling and complaining?

Are you chasing each other around the bedroom with love, laughter and passion flowing freely, or does there seem to be something needed to spice up your love life. Take time to focus on the 9 traits of a life-giving marriage that will help you strengthen and deepen your marriage.

Week 1 – 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage Study Introduction

Today’s the day! We’re kicking off our online study of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage.  If you haven’t signed up already, you can do that here.

Kim Stewart, and along with Jana Kennedy-Spicer, will be hosting Sue’s study over the next 5 weeks. We’ll be here on the blog on Mondays and Wednesdays. In addition, we’ll be facilitating daily discussion and a Live Weekly Chat in our private study Facebook group on Thursday evenings at 9:00 p.m. CST. You can head over to the Facebook group right now and see my welcome video (You need to sign up first – you can do that here).

This week, we are reading the Introduction and Chapter 1.

Let these opening words encourage you:

God is with you. With His help, you can improve your relationship with your spouse by being transformed into the person God created you to be. You are not alone in your desire to trade a boring or painful marriage into one that is full of joy, passion, and love; God wants all that and more for your relationship!

If your relationship is good, honing the nine traits of a life-giving marriage can make it even better. And if it’s not, please know that, with God, there is hope for a happier life together, when you develop the traits that reflect His likeness and character.”

Transform your marriage with #MarriageRocks by Sue Detweiler. Join us for the FREE online study at

We’d love for you to journal along in our study. If you signed up, you will receive a free download today in email that you can use. You will also receive an invite to join us Thursday night in our private Facebook group to chat LIVE about this week’s study.

Let’s discuss the Introduction of #MarriageRocks:

  1. Here are the 9 Life-Giving Traits to live out in our marriages: Acceptance. Friendship. Safety. Honesty. Intimacy. Passion. Endurance. Restoration. Expectancy. Which one(s) do you most want to focus on?
  1. Let’s invite Jesus into the intimate issues of our hearts and marriages by personalizing God’s Word in John 15:4-5:

Remain in me, __________ and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you, __________, cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. “Yes, I am the vine; you __________ are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you, __________ can do nothing. (NLT)

  1. In the Introduction, I talked about meeting my husband, Wayne. What’s one word you would use to describe the “zing of attraction” when you first met your spouse?

We’ll see you back here on Wednesday to discuss Chapter 1. Have a great day!

Invite Your Friends:

There’s still time to also invite your friends to join you for this Study:

Join the FREE online #MarriageRocks study:

Laughter and Marriage

laughter and marriage

Laughter and Marriage

As we get ready for the Christmas Holidays, let’s prepare our hearts and homes for laughter. It is so good to laugh. Here are a few ways that laughter can improve your health.

1. Reduces Stress Hormones

2. Strengthens Immune System

3. Lowers Blood Sugar Levels

4. Improves Digestion

5. Speeds up Blood Circulation

These health benefits of laughter shouldn’t surprise us, since the Bible says,

 “A happy heart is good medicine and a joyful mind causes healing, But a broken spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22 AMP”

Laughter is Good Medicine in Marriage

Laughter in marriage is good medicine. As we learn to laugh and not take our selves so seriously we can learn to enjoy marriage. As a married couple we deal with so many difficult, serious things in life, it’s good to just take time to laugh at ourselves.

In honor of getting ready for the Christmas Holiday, I thought you would enjoy a comedian’s take on marriage.

Marriage and Underwear

I love laughing at the differences in men and women. Have you ever noticed that women will communicate with questions? (I guess I just illustrated my point). Men are more likely to communicate by making a statement. We could either get frustrated at each other, or we could just laugh and embrace the difference. 

Here’s another fun video on marriage:

Happy Wife Happy Life

I love the way a comedian like Jeff Allen can make us laugh at ourselves. In marriage we deal with each other’s insecurities every day. Laughter helps us not take each other too seriously. 

How to Build a Marriage That Lasts

I want to personally invite you to invest in your marriage, Join Our 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage Online Book Study

You are invited to join a 5-week Online Book & Bible Study of my 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage book.
The study dates are January 11 – February 12, 2016. My friends Jana and Kim at Sweet to the Soul Ministries will host the daily study here on my blog and in a private Facebook group.
OBS pin copy
The only thing you need to fully participate is a copy of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage
Sign up to join the study.

Click Here to Sign Up

Building a Life-Giving, Spirit-Filled Marriage

Building a Life-Giving Spirit-Filled Marriage

I went on a date with my husband over the weekend. We went to see the movie “Woodlawn.” Set in the early 70’s it tells the story of a Football Coach and the newly forced integration of his football team. Starting out with race riots, the team allowed an evangelist to speak to his team. Young men black and white were saved and everything changed. These high school students so impacted their coach that He was saved which forever changed his marriage and his family.

Weeping through this movie, I held my husbands hand believing God for more of His Spirit to be poured out in our generation. When we receive His eternal life flowing into each one of us through salvation, we are forever changed. 

As we move into 2016, my hope and prayer is that we would freshly invite Jesus to be at the center of our lives. When we experience a fresh outpouring of His spirit, we are forever changed. Then, we need to get incredibly practical, honest and transparent — inviting God’s love to impact our lives.

I want to personally invite you to invest in your marriage, Join Our 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage Online Book Study

You are invited to join a 5-week Online Book & Bible Study of my 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage book.

The study dates are January 11 – February 12, 2016. My friends Jana and Kim at Sweet to the Soul Ministries will host the daily study here on my blog and in a private Facebook group.
OBS pin copy
The only thing you need to fully participate is a copy of 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage
Sign up to join the study.

Click Here to Sign Up

A Wedding Miracle

A Wedding Miracle

Facing 3 surgeries, 8 months of chemo, and 6 weeks of radiation is an unlikely time to build a relationship with the love of your life. Yet, nothing is impossible with God.

Expectancy in Marriage

Have you been at a wedding and found yourself crying at the beautiful and profound way that God brings a couple together? I was crying those sweet tears this weekend as I witnessed Reid and Amanda (Noelle Wilcox) Patterson join their lives in a covenant of marriage.

The high point for me in the service was when Amanda pulled out a letter she had written to her husband in April 2014. She didn’t meet Reid until a month later. She wrote her letter in faith and expectancy that God would bring her the man that she needed rather than the man she thought she wanted.

 Amanda surrendered to God her heart’s desire to be married. She put everything on the altar.

When Amanda wrote this letter in April, she didn’t know that she would meet her husband in a Juice bar in May. Neither of them knew that she would embark in a struggle against cancer, facing 3 surgeries and 8 months of chemo therapy and 6 weeks of radiation.  In the battle of her life, a knight-in-shining armor arose – Reid Patterson. Reid  was at her side during all the gross and difficult moments of this struggle.

Through the entire process, Amanda was a beacon of light and an encouragement to the medical community as well as the christian community who enjoyed Amanda’s talents as a vocalist and worship leader. As one of Amanda’s mentors, I saw her go deeper in her faith. Suffering made her more beautiful inside and out.

A Wedding MiracleLast month I had dinner with Amanda and Reid in what is now their first home as a couple. They radiated with the presence and the power of God. God not only healed Amanda so she is cancer free, but he brought them together as a husband and wife. It was so much fun to give them my new book on marriage, and pray for God’s continued blessing in their life.

A year ago Amanda was at the beginning of her fight against cancer, now she is on her honeymoon with the love of her life, cancer-free!

I Would love for you to get a copy of my book 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage.

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage

Get your copy today!

Buy a copy for yourself today, and an extra one to give as a Christmas Gift. This book will help you build a marriage that lasts. Invest in your marriage. No matter where your relationship is presently, this book will encourage and strengthen you to make it better, with God’s help!

Buy your Copy Today



Emotional Safety in Marriage

Emotional Safety in Marriage

Safety in Marriage

God created each of us with hearts that desire to be open. It takes emotional energy to keep thoughts and feelings hidden. When we feel frustrated or hurt, a common response is to shut down emotionally—to protect, rather than share our hearts.

At a pivotal point in our marriage, I realized that, although I felt safe to openly share how I felt with my husband, Wayne didn’t feel the same safety with me. Wayne processes his emotions and thoughts internally, and when he doesn’t feel safe, he keeps to himself. Every time I spoke critically of my husband, in effect, I added another brick to the wall that divided us. We had been through a couple of hard years and the bricks were stacking up between us. The taller that protective wall got, the more effectively it hindered our emotional intimacy.

When I accepted the responsibility for my actions and asked for Wayne’s forgiveness, the wall between us immediately began to come down. A newly created environment of emotional safety allowed us to draw together with greater intimacy.

If an emotional brick wall is dividing your relationship, one or both of you are probably experiencing some of the following things:

  • Communication is closed or strained.
  • It feels as if you’re walking on eggshells in an attempt to avoid confrontation.
  • You feel like you have to perform a certain way to please the other person.
  • There’s an inability to be fully open and honest. 26

To experience intimacy in marriage, both partners need to feel safe. In addition, one or both of you may feel:

  • Judged
  • Disrespected
  • Misunderstood or rejected
  • Alone
  • Mistrusted or mistrusting
  • Insecure
  • Uncomfortable
  • Emotionally shut down

An emotionally safe marriage is one that allows you the freedom to be who you really are. You can trust that your spouse will love you no matter what. You feel unconditional acceptance. You feel safe to share the most valuable part of you—your heart. In an emotionally safe relationship, you are confident your spouse will not crush your hopes, dreams, or deepest desires. And you feel confident that what you share will remain private.

Both spouses need to embrace their responsibility to create an environment of emotional safety in their home. You can start by learning how to handle conflict in a way that builds up, rather than tears down, your partner’s confidence and security.

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage


How to Bypass Power Struggles in Marriage

Power Struggles

How do you overcome power struggles in marriage? What is your go-to-strategy? Is it working?

Intimacy in marriage

Watch this short video when I recall a power struggle in our home:

If you have found yourself doing this particular power dance before in your marriage, how about learning a new way to build more intimacy in your marriage. Here are a few things that helped.

1. Admit When you are Wrong

Did you grow up in a home of debaters? I did. Whenever there was a disagreement, the person with the quickest wit would “win” the argument.

If you can learn the simple step of admitting when you are wrong, you will overcome many power-struggles.

2. Watch Your Language

Choosing words carefully can make the difference between a spirit of reconciliation vs. combustion. Words such as “You ALWAYS…” or “You NEVER…” can cause someone to feel accused. Rather than blaming someone for your disagreement, choose words that are understanding of their felt need. Take time to affirm your commitment to your relationship rather than threaten to end it.

3. Watch Your Tone

Become aware of your tone of voice. If your inflection sounds irritated, bored, or defensive, you will have much more difficulty communicating from the heart. Make sure that you are able to to speak during a moment that you are not overly stressed or pushed for time. Your tone will naturally be filled with affirmation when you take time to think positively about your relationship.

4. Affirm Your Commitment

Threats take an argument into a war-zone. Take time to frame your concern with affirmation of your commitment. Think about things that you appreciate in your relationship. 

5. Don’t Back Your spouse into a corner

Remember, your spouse is not your enemy. Don’t back them in the corner, arguing your position. 

You want to create a place where it is safe to share concerns without fear of losing ground in your relationship. 

I hope you will take time to invest in your relationship. We wrote 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage with you in mind.

 Order Your Book Today to Receive 5 FREE Gifts

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage
5 FREE Gifts:

1. Printables of 9 Traits
2. Printables of Prayers
3. MP3 of Healing Rain 
4. PDF copy of 9 Traits of a Life Giving Mom
5. $50 Voucher Towards the 2016 Marriage Conference in Dallas, TX

 Order Here

You’re Invited: #MarriageRocks Author Chat with Sue Detweiler

Join me for a Live Author Chat on Facebook for book discussion, fun and lots of giveaways!

I’ll be posting discussion questions from my new book, 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage, and Lindsey Hartz will be posting giveaway opportunities every 15 minutes. Make sure you are on the lookout for those posts and the entry requirements for each one!


Life-Giving MarriageYou can also share this event on Facebook by selecting the “Invite” button on the top right. You can then “Share” the event page on Facebook and “Invite” specific friends on your Facebook list!

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage will help you and them:

  • Heal the broken places in your marriage
  • Strengthen your relationship with your spouse
  • Understand God’s plan for your marriage
  • Revive your relationship with God’s transformative power

Go here NOW to RSVP to tonight’s event! 


  •  A Copy of the Book
  • A Copy of the Book
  • A Copy of the Book + The Pre-Order Gifts which include:  5 FREE Gifts:
    Printables of 9 Traits
    Printables of Prayers
    MP3 of Healing Rain 
    PDF copy of 9 Traits of a Life Giving Mom
    $50 Voucher Towards the 2016 Marriage Conference in Dallas, TX
  • A copy of the Book + Pre-Order Gifts & a Skype Q&A Call for Your Community, Bible Study Group or Book Club with the Author!

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage

Purchase 9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage, TONIGHT is your LAST CHANCE to get the Preorder Gifts visit

Go here NOW to RSVP to tonight’s event!